Recent crazy protracted breakup with gf with BPD.

[Chef1]

Just went through a horrible hurtful breakup with my GF of 23 years. It made me crazy literally. I tried everything. I could not understand how this person I spent so much of my life with flipped a switch and was done. After reading about BPD now I know. I know I did not know the person I was with at all at the end. She was a different person. She attempted overdosing in a hotel in NYC after one of the best times we had in years. She would take her clothes off and say feel me, feel how unattracted I am to you. She would frequently say that it was Prozac that had given her clarity to see the real me. I was 100% her caretaker that was it. I found a pros and cons list she wrote about me. First was he buys me nice things second he takes me nice places. Nothing romantic. Her cons list was huge and just plain crazy. Almost like she wrote it about herself. Then I found through texts she was cheating on me with a factory worker at the plant where she is a manager. For a month I drove back and forth to her apartment an hour away 2-3 times a day after her suicide attempt to make sure she was ok. Then on the day I brought my mom home from a cancer center she announced she had no feelings for me from the bottom of her soul. It made me crazy. Really. The next am I got in a fight with a neighbor over really nothing. Now I face legal charges.  May lose my job. And she is on face book doing stripper style dances and posting provocative pictures and some pretty sexual comments. She is FB friends with some pretty senior management of her company. Is she 14 or 45. No contact for a month has helped but no closure. And I will never get a job like I have now again. She should have just killed me it's pretty much the same thing. Now I'm in therapy and on the same drugs she was on? How did that happen? Finding it hard to understand.

[Hisaccount]

I am very sorry to hear about what you are going through. You are not alone, many people have ended up with the same severe or worse consequences.

When mine painted me black and left I am the one that ended up in counseling, I am the one that ended up on anti depressants and she is the one that seems to be able to go on with her life like nothing happened.

But this is just what their entire life will be like, using people and moving on. There was never going to be a happy ending for the two of you.
Now all you can do is pick up the pieces best you can and try to rebuild.
You will read often about people going NC or no contact. It really is for the best. Block all the social media stuff and don't let her torture you like that.

[Julia S]

Very sorry this has happened to you.

And forgive me if I'm misunderstanding your post, but is this a sudden change, where previously your relationship was stable and happy? Because if so it sounds like a different sort of psychotic episode, such as bipolar, possibly precipitated by something like change in hormones. And if this is the case then meds might really be making her think these things. Presumably, after a suicide attempt she has either been assessed for mental illness, or is awaiting assessment.
For a personality disorder to suddenly show itself at that age and in such a dramatic way would be very unusual.
If it is something else then there is a possibility that the right meds will put it right.

[Pretty Woman]

I second, Julia S. Usually there are warning signs and red flags much earlier in the relationship if it were BPD.

[Mutt]

Hi Chef1,



I'd like to join the others and welcome you. I'm sorry that you're going through a really difficult time. We're not doctors and cannot diagnose, what we can look at are BPD traits.

Is she 14 or 45

You're right, one feature of the disorder is emotional immaturity, a pwBPD are emotionally arrested at the age of a young child.

BPD BEHAVIORS: Emotional Immaturity

A month of NC after a 23 year r/s is not going to be enough to detach, the process takes time, it can't be rushed although there are things that can speed up your recovery and self protection helps. You care a lot about her and are worried if you're checking in on her 2-3 times a day and worried about social media.

I'm glad that you decided to join us, you'll find a lot of people here that can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. Did you hire a good lawyer? Hang in there.

[Chef1]

No the relationship wasn't stable and happy. She had incredible mood swings. We would get in arguments I just couldn't understand the quick changes. So I think as a rookie at this that there were signs the whole time. I can say she never contributed. And our pets were an odd source of jealousy to her. She has our older cat after the split and I'm not sure if it's been to a vet since but needs too. I doubt it. But on that topic the pros and cons of me list I found said Pro- likes animals. Con- likes animals more than me?
The best part of the list was desirable features of my new partner.
Number one - looks like Clive Owen number two looks like Matthew Mcconahey.
Number 3 has enough money I can travel.
This is something to put out there though. While we were together she went through 3 periods or work school situations. First was when I met her she was a waitress at a resort. I bartended in the same town and we lived close so we hooked up I guess. But it was like she latched on to me. When I said after a few weeks I wanted to cool it down she stood outside my house in the middle of a March blizzard screaming but I love you how can you do this to me. For an hour. My roommate finally went out and said he's at work so she came there and put on a show. But in every one of these "periods" there was always a small crew of friends she would develop and it was usually the party crew or I hate to say but can't think of a better descriptor than this but sort of the nerdy party crew. But there was always an object of her "fascination". There it was an Australian waiter on a work visa. In her college period it was her first professor who lived in our town then it was his German friend. I'm not sure she actually cheated on me Australian guy she admitted to " kissing". Really 14 again? Then where she works now. She told me it was the most important thing in her life her job. She was going to climb to the top. And they genuinely like her but again she formed this posse of hard drinking mostly factory guys few girls. These small posses are sort of where she can be the star always grandiose always posing. At this time she doubled her drinking instead of 4 beers in a night 10-11 common. Started on Klonopin with her Prozac. I finally discovered texts on her iPad that she had a relationship going with the factory guy. Texts calling him my love etc. Inviting him over to the apartment I paid for while I was on full suicide watch with her. Which brings to the present when she told me after I brought my mom home from the cancer hospital that in a very dramatic way "from the pit of her soul she felt nothing for me". I was like wow nice drama Audrey Hepburn? Think I could have my copper sauté pan back I left here yesterday and she just stared at me. Then walked away. That was it. I guess it was a gift. I have blocked her on all comm including social media. As much as I have horrible highs and lows and I miss the person I loved I know the person I loved is gone. There is someone who looks like her. But it's not her. This stuff is hard to take. My reaction to it was devasting. I'll be lucky to still be employed. It destroyed me and who I thought I was.

[Chef1]

Thank you Mutt. I do have a good lawyer. I like him and he gives me confidence. But it's going to make the paper. Not looking forward to that. Really mad at myself  for letting her crush me. End of the day I'm responsible for my own actions and it is what it is. The beginning of this was in July and I had just gotten back from a camping fly fishing trip in Alaska. I have this crazy theory I got eaten by a bear up there and this is hell or something. I thought I had a good life strange but good realationship and now I'm swirling down the toilet. Therapy is helping.