Are ANY relationships involving a pwBPD successful?

[DavidUK]

I have been browsing these boards for some months and it seems that the general consensus is that all relationships with pwBPD are doomed to fail at some point, even if it's after many years although clearly most don't get anywhere near that far.  Are there any examples of exceptions to the rule?

[SoMadSoSad]

What is your definition of successful here? And there is a success stories thread somewhere on these boards.

[Pretty Woman]

I have to echo the comment, What is your definition of successful?

I think it all has to do with how much one person can take. Some people lack boundaries and can tolerate abuse much longer than others. To me, that doesn't equate as successful, just "plugging along". I know BPD's in relationships for 30-40yrs plus. These people stayed together because it was how that generation was raised, or they were practicing Catholics (I am not knocking Catholics, I am one The non-BPD grew to resent the BPD and the marriage was terrible, yet they stayed together into their 80's, until the BPD passed of Parkinsons.

40yrs in a terrible marriage that produced five great kids. Yet, the non became an alcoholic to cope and was never happy... .for 40yrs.

In my own experience, my ex has stayed in relationships longer than ours (ours was 4yrs with over 20 breakups). She's even lived with people a few years... .

but after knowing three of the exes we all suffered the same fate and she didn't treat any of us better than the next. All of us were pegged to our replacements as abusive rapists.

It really doesn't change for them. No matter how long the union, they are NEVER truly content nor happy.

[Julia S]

I think it depends on how badly affected the pwBPD is, and whether they have treatment and are able to control most of the symptoms AND whether they can successfully develop a sense of self and all the other things they lacked when their emotional development went off in the wrong direction.
Though it is still likely that could all regress when a traumatic life event happened.

From the POV of the partner or family member, it probably depends on what you want or expect from the relationship. If they are not a romantic partner then any treatment or improvement which makes them less likely to attempt suicide or self harm, and more likely to be able to interact with others in a calm and rational way is a big plus. But if they are a romantic partner and not capable of empathy or reciprocity, then you'd be forgoing most of what most people regard as essential in a relationship to stick with it.

My long term female friend (married) who has BPD and manages it well advised me on basic self-help for my new friend (which he isn't interested in and is in denial) but also warned me it would be a roller coaster.

[DavidUK]

What is your definition of successful here? And there is a success stories thread somewhere on these boards.

Yes good point. I suppose by 'successful' I mean a relatively happy long term relationship that doesn't end in divorce or breaking up. Clearly all relationships have their ups and downs so I'm not talking about non-stop bliss, just a normal healthy relationship which lasts into old age.