My dad may have BPD

[Paul Bailey]

Hello all.  I am married, and I am desperately trying to not have my wife cut off my parents.  However, it is very hard.  I know that there need to be boundaries, but when I try to enforce one my dad throws a tantrum, yells, insults, and what not.  His fear is that we are rejecting him like his two kids form his first marriage.  I keep telling him that won't happen, but he still snaps at me.  He knows he needs help, and he gave a very weepy apology yesterday.  What can I do?

[HappyChappy]

Hi

This must be very frustrating for you. But the really good news is you say your dad knows he needs help. So I would encourage him to see a Therapist, if you can. Probably one familiar with BPD. The Therapist would be able to give you a view. But be aware, someone with BPD tends to reject any negative connotation, so tends to reject a BPD diagnosis. There is therapy for those with BPD, often its group work. And there has been success. If it isn't BPD, then I'm sure the Therapist would have suitable support. It would also be worth speaking with a Doctor, as there are many very helpful meds for anxiety etc... .  Do you think your father would go to either of these, and if so follow their advice ?

From what you've told us, we can't rule out BPD, but you've not told us much. With view to your wife handling your fathers behaviour, this website has many techniques to help manage someone ith BPD, to soften the blows. It would be helpful to know a bit more, if you don't mind sharing. What types of behaviour do you find the most testing ?

[Mutt]

Hi PB,



I'd like to join HappyChappy and welcome you. I'm sorry to hear that.

I know that there need to be boundaries, but when I try to enforce one my dad throws a tantrum, yells, insults, and what not.

Regardless of personality disorder or mental illness, you may experience backlash when you set new boundaries with people in general, this only lasts for so long, but you have to keep defending your boundaries. Maybe your dad is used to floating boundaries and the behavior has been reinforced that if he has enough of a tantrum he'll get his way. I'm glad that you decided to join us, you're not alone.

Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits