Hi Missclio82, it sounds like you are in a lot of pain and I'm sorry you feel no one understands you. It is very courageous to reach out for help and support and your self-awareness is a great asset to you. This site is a support group for those who are or have been in a relationship with a person with BPD, and many of the posts here may be triggering for a BPD sufferer. There are many other resources which can help you and you could check out some of these:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/Themes/default/welcome3.htmlThere is help available for you and I wish you all the very best.