ex says nothing has changed, seriously?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

For those that don't know my ex has filed but has not moved out yet. I am doing my best to avoid her.

Last weekend she was all happy, being nice. She had money so she went shopping and spent a bunch on groceries and house supplies.

I told her that is not her responsibility anymore and she didn't need to do that.

She says, nothing has changed I will still help when I can. Just treat me like you did before we divorced.

Seriously? Is that what she believes?

I explained to her everything has changed. She took my future away. There is no more family dinners, family vacations, family holidays. Everything has changed.

How can she not see it? How can she be so happy through all of this?
She is functioning better, working and making money since filing for divorce. It sucks to see her doing well and I am a mess.

She says we are better friends now than we were even last summer.
I don't want to be friends. I wanted to be married.

[Hisaccount]

For those that don't know my ex has filed but has not moved out yet. I am doing my best to avoid her.

Last weekend she was all happy, being nice. She had money so she went shopping and spent a bunch on groceries and house supplies.

I told her that is not her responsibility anymore and she didn't need to do that.

She says, nothing has changed I will still help when I can. Just treat me like you did before we divorced.

Seriously? Is that what she believes?

I explained to her everything has changed. She took my future away. There is no more family dinners, family vacations, family holidays. Everything has changed.

How can she not see it? How can she be so happy through all of this?
She is functioning better, working and making money since filing for divorce. It sucks to see her doing well and I am a mess.

She says we are better friends now than we were even last summer.
I don't want to be friends. I wanted to be married.

[nylonsquid]

Painful to hear. Yea, they always want to keep contact because they want to have their attention supply when theirs is depleted. It keeps the longing going. Find your way to move on because she won't change. Good luck!

[Mutt]

Hi Hisaccount,

I know it doesn't make sense. I was with my ex wife for close to 8 years, she left Feb 2013,  she told she was moving on Oct 2012. I was devestated when see said that, it was like nothing to her, she pleeded to go to the Christmas party at work Dec 2012  because it was a fancy event. I was beside myself, you told me you're leaving me but you still want to act like we're together and go out?

I went out for the Christmas party and shot down the rest of her proposed dates, she was also seeimg her bf, i told her somethumg similarm we're gettimg divorced and  younneed to get used to it. Regardless, she couldn't put herself in my shoes and she just wanted to go out for her. I suggest self protect and take care of you.

[Ahoy]

I remember just after we split, we had a joint account we tried to divide in half and close. My ex went into the bank and was told it was currently impossible due to being in separate states.

She sent me a text message casually telling me how long she had to wait in the bank que only to get told this (complete with emoji's and multiple exclamation marks) and how annoyed she was.

My marriage was over, my world was crumbling and she casually sends a message in a style that she would normally send to one of her girlfriends.

I may sound harsh, however If your ex suffers from BPD, do not, DO NOT underestimate how illogical their thoughts and rationale may differ from yours and mine... .

[Hisaccount]

The other night she called me was kind of beating around the bush I finally had to ask her, what is going on? Why did you call?

She need a couple sheets of dry wall hung in her new place because they were coming to finish it the next day.

Like an idiot I went and did it, but I tell myself it will help us separate faster.

But yeah she contacts me everyday like nothing has changed. I got like 12 text messages last night and I only responded to two.

Talking to a friend that has a flaky ex, he says she will come back and try to reconcile as soon as she feels the loss. So I need to keep baiting her out until I am strong enough to just stay away.

[c_craig_k]

I'm in the early stages of this (she's halfway moved out but I still have to fend her off bc there's no legal agreement yet).

They seem to cultivate ambiguous relationships with ill-defined boundaries. They can't have a completely integrated romantic relationship but they do desire connection (then distance) so they continue to cultivate the fragments of connection.

Mine is a master at slipping into a breezy, familiar tone after doing something horrible that requires distance. And then if you reject that familiarity, they'll say you don't like them, and if you assure them you do . . . well, y'all know how it goes.

[Hisaccount]

Mine has been calling every night. Last night is the first time I did not answer.
She starts out talking about something that we actually need to talk about and then she progresses to telling me about her day.

That is pretty messed up.

Mine talks about grandkids (step) coming over and visiting, yeah that is not happening ever.
Asked her if she is going to take her dog and she said I will take him once in a while.

What part of we are divorced does she not get?
She gave up on me, I am not going to keep running to her aide.
Who wants someone in their life that gave up them?

[Duped 1]

I remember just after we split, we had a joint account we tried to divide in half and close. My ex went into the bank and was told it was currently impossible due to being in separate states.

She sent me a text message casually telling me how long she had to wait in the bank que only to get told this (complete with emoji's and multiple exclamation marks) and how annoyed she was.

My marriage was over, my world was crumbling and she casually sends a message in a style that she would normally send to one of her girlfriends.

I may sound harsh, however If your ex suffers from BPD, do not, DO NOT underestimate how illogical their thoughts and rationale may differ from yours and mine... .

Reminds me of a time when my ex and I were on the edge of breakup and she knew I had bought her a $300 jacket for Valentines Day. She said: "If we breakup can I still have or buy the jacket from you"

I was like: really-that's what you're concerned about-my heart was breaking and she was worried about a jacket. So shallow

[Hisaccount]

I think what sucks the worst is I am so weak right now.
If she wanted to come back and work things out I would try, but I know from everything I read here, over and over and over that it will just end up worse than before.

So it is hard, trying to be cold and distant pushing her away vs being friendly and hope to spark some good feelings again.

[Mutt]

I know it's hard to set boundaries when you didn't ask for divorce. A pwBPD don't understand their boundaries or the boundaries of others and don't detach. If there was a time for self protection this would be it, she's not going to look out for your needs if she's self absorbed, it's something that you'll have to provide for yourself, the more that you defend your boundaries the easier that it gets.