Wow--a very interesting discussion you've started here burnerin. I appreciate your straight-talking manner.
I think perhaps your awareness of behaviours is helping you to be your own advocate.
Looking good attracts more attention and I think that's consistent with more confidence. You are maybe more confident with getting attention and handling the behaviours that come from that. Perhaps now you have a fresh example of what you might not want, it has given you confidence to search for what you do what?
Being more conscious of what people say can help you with your active listening, which is important both in and out of a relationship with a pwBPD. Nons over time may develop a stronger sense of listening because of repeated violence. A bit like a deer in a forest full of tigers rather than one living in an environment with no predators. Well done.
Why do you want a relationship before your ex?
Why do you want a better job than what your ex is capable of?
Why do you want to make her jealous?
Recall that while all wants are valid after removing judgments, could these wants interfere with your long-term beliefs about yourself?
I admire your clear description of the behaviours you observe in yourself--and seeing how they are related to your wants--rather than jumping to a compulsive search for another relationship.
Thank you for sharing about people as instruments
beggarsblanket. Very interesting!