Has your therapist helped you

[statsattack]

Has anyone questioned if there therapist as helped at all? Noticed since saw her I've matured but everything has gotten worse n beyond depressed

[Hisaccount]

My first one was pretty bad. Made things worse. Kept digging all the garbage out of me and didn't help me deal with it.
Instead she would say, well go get a new hobby.

Gee thanks lady, I had read that on my own before.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi stats-

Consider also that depression isn't necessarily a bad thing, unless it's so bad that it's debilitating to the point you can't function day to day.  You mentioned that you've matured as a result of therapy, a good thing, and when we do that our perceptions of the relationship, our ex and ourselves can change, and even our worldview can change and broaden, and then, when we look back at what we went through from that place, it can be depressing.  But depression is a normal stage of grieving and processing the relationship, plus it can be fuel for continued growth, to "get out of it", when really it's about getting through it, to the bright future you're creating on the other side, which is just a little hard to see right now.

So there's that, and of course if your current therapist isn't working out for you, you can find another one, there's no lack, and maybe therapy is about learning what you can, taking what you can, from the ones you meet, and it's the cumulative effect that is what matters.

[Harri]

Hi.  I think it depends on what you expect from therapy.  I went back in therapy specifically for trauma recovery a few months ago.  A friend who knows saw me, got a huge smile on her face and said ":)on't you feel better now that you are in therapy?" all excited and happy for me (not that I was moping around before that but you get the picture).

My response was "Hell no I do not feel better, therapy sucks" and then I grinned and explained that I expected to feel worse, even much worse, before I felt significantly better.  I don't know what kind of stuff you are trying to work on in therapy but if you have to dig deep into the past and old injuries and have to learn to feel them before you can even begin to change poor coping skills and what not, it could very well feel much worse after you start.

I think a lot of people get frustrated because they expect to leave the therapists office feeling better each time they go.  I have no idea if you expect that, I am just saying for the point of discussion.  But anyway, I don't think therapy works that way.

What kinds of things are you working on?  Are you trying to change fairly entrenched behaviors that don't work for you anymore?  Are you trying to heal from past trauma?  Those things are very very hard to work on.

 

[statsattack]

All of the above tbh. Frustrating that I am doing everything I can to better myself and have 0 resources to help me. Worst is how my therapist will take my BPD x side

[fromheeltoheal]

have 0 resources to help me. Worst is how my therapist will take my BPD x side

Actually you have us, which is not nothing stats.  Have you told your therapist that you think she takes your ex's side and how that makes you feel stats?  If not that could be the first conversation you have next time, and maybe she'll say something that will explain her point of view better, or maybe you decide to change therapists, but still better to have that conversation regardless of the outcome yes?

[valet]

In my experience therapy has been affective in that it is a sounding board for me to explore my own thoughts and feel safe doing so. If I had to be honest, I've learned more on my own by reading stuff on the internet about BPD, codependency, and the associated problems that go along with them. And I probably find more relief and insight in support groups and amongst friends.

I'd consider going to therapy more of a commitment to improve myself. A reminder, basically, that I still have work to do. That I can think and act differently—that I can achieve the things that I want and live a happy life if I strive to do so.

So, in a nutshell, it can help you, but the real help comes from you helping yourself and remembering that you have a say in the things that go on in your life.

[Notwendy]

Is the T taking the ex's side or helping to point out the contribution to dysfunction on your part? I found it uncomfortable when the T  "turned the mirror around" on me. It felt invalidating and also not fair- I wasn't the only cause of the issues. But once I got past this, I realized that this resulted in some really good work and personal change.

I think T helps to validate our point of view- to a point, but having someone take your side, make you feel good- isn't going to lead to personal change. A T can point out where we are contributing to dysfunction and guide us to learn different behaviors.

Learning new relationship skills can be like building new muscles, and then you have to practice what feels new and uncomfortable.

All relationships exist in a sort of status quo- a balance of dysfunction of sorts. While aspects of them may cause us issues, we are also in them because of a certain familiarity. We "match " our partners in some way. When we make personal growth, that can alter the balance- and the comfort zone. It may seem that things are getting worse- but it is this getting off balance that can also prompt changes in the relationship. It feels risky, but a good T can support us through it.

Yes, there are T's who don't work for us, and we can change T's. But I also think T isn't about feeling comfortable all the time either.

[ortac77]

I am not sure that Therapy is about comfort, I see both a therapist and also belong to Al-Anon. Both are about my growth and that is often uncomfortable but also reassuring - to be in a place where I can talk about how 'I' feel and not be judged is important because with a BPD partner my feelings are never validated or even acknowledged, I need somewhere safe to get them out.

But I also have to keep learning that 'I' am OK, doing the best I can and continuing to learn new skills that validate me as a person and acknowledge that I am 100% responsible for my own behaviours - that is not easy or comfortable, its a constant challenge but I can also see it is necessary, whatever happens in my relationship - for example I have come to realise a lot of my life has been about 'saving others' - I actually no longer have those feelings.

Of course that leads to new tensions in my relationship because my partner cannot understand why I no longer rush around solving his problems - I just acknowledge them and get on with my life. The more I think this one through I am slowly realising that my needs have changed, I no longer need to feel 'needed' by another person and that is progress.

I can sympathise with his illness, acknowledge that he is very sick but with my ownTherapy and Support make my 'illness' the priority and the only thing I can do anything about.

[half-life]

I have been seeing a therapist for about six months. This is the first time I have done this so I don't have any prior experience. I try to reflect on what benefit or change it might bring to me.

- I do not have any other avenue to share my deepest feeling other than on anonymous Internet forums sometimes. I do not have close friend or family nearby. Even if I have I have never shared too much personal stuff with them. The therapist is my only avenue to unload my stories and emotions. This brings to me a relief of some sort.

- She gave me some small insights from time to time, challenge me to think and try other helpful things. Often there is nothing remarkable that I cannot think of myself. For example, she might said why don't you hang out with friends more. This is on my mind all the time but I have not acted on it. After our conversation, it prompted me to turn it into concrete action.

- She makes me understand I am not in the worst situation in the world. She let me know a lot of issues I am struggling daily with my kids are actually quite common in divorce situation. This knowledge makes me feel better, even if it does not bring any quick resolution to the issues.

Overall I feel positive about that. I often look forward to the appointment to talk about my story of the week. This looks like a long and slow process. I don't expect any dramatic change to happen quickly.

[Borderlinestar]

I feel progress in therapy most times when i leave. Some sessions are just check in. But i have to expose myself also to progess and my therapist confronts because they know i can deal with it. I use a clinical therapist who knows whatcdepression is and have a psychiatrist. I know when the meds are not working.

[Curiously1]

I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder...   which I am handling ok.
My therapist always reminds me that I am 'normal' and a reasonable person and that I should live in the present moment more.
She told me that I am have a tendency to over-think and that I should not spend too much time on Cluster B topics.
She told me to go live my life again basically. Spend time on other hobbies. Be whoever I want to be and not to worry so much. I liked the validation and approval she gives when she tells me I am normal etc.
Like I have permission to just get over myself now and not doubt myself so much.

[half-life]

One thing to add. During my marriage I was very frustrated that I was constantly misunderstood. Little things tend to blow up into big troubles. So I avoided her and shut myself down.

Now the therapist plays the role of sympathetic listener that I never had. She devote her time and attention to me. I often found myself looking forward to the session to go over my issue of the week. Without her these stuff will only buried and unresolved.