Has anyone else felt this

[talks to angels]

I have been trying to stop the replay in my head. Cant understand how this destroyed who I was. It was like he kidnapped my soul and still has it. Has anyone else felt this?

When normal relationships end. You feel sad and go through a morning, but you feel that even though the relationship didnt work they still cherished you and cared about you and there is still love there. Am I wrong?

I feel with this one he acts as though there is nothing special about what we had. I literally HATE him! and i hate myself for feeling this way.

[talks to angels]

And worse is that I feel like I wasnt worth fighting for. He destroyed who I was and than just moved on to start fresh with someone new.

[Duped 1]

I feel the same way! After all we had been through and her professing her forever love for me just days before,and almost begging me to marry at times, she cruely discarded me, turned her family against me, and had an immediate replacement like I was nothing to her. The lack of empathy and humanity is overwhelming.

[talks to angels]

Duped 1 its a pain only those of us who have experienced can understand. It is overwhelming.

Its cold and inhumane. Maybe that is why they steal our souls, as they have none. :P

[CooperD]

I feel exactly as you both describe.

I feel paralysed and am struggling to function.  I cant sleep, can't face work and just feel constantly anxious and depressed.

I can rationalise everything and see how lucky I am to be rid of my BPD who was abusive as hell and at times pure evil.  Yet my insides are so torn up.

This person stood in front of me last year at our wedding and called me her greatest love yet a year later was able to discard me so brutally and have no empathy at all towards my pain.

It's like you invest all your heart and soul into them and then they just rip out all the good bits and leave you with nothing - frozen in time - unable to go back to change anything and unable to move forwards.

[talks to angels]

Paralyzed - perfect word to describe what i am going through. It is so hard. I feel like I have been buried alive and every once in awhile he shows up to kick more dirt on me so I cant climb out.

Funny how locally these mental people have all these support groups and people pity them, you know like an alcoholic, yet the person who stood by them and tried is left for dead. No support system.

I know i shouldnt care but it hurts that some of his family members treat me like I have no compassion (he said he was sorry I was jealous) and I said if that was his apology i guess I cant forgive him, as he really is not remorseful. They turned on me and said that he was trying and i was just picking on him. WTH?

Sorry about the rambling... .it just GRRRRRRRRR

[antelope]

once you have a minimum # of posts, you can search for members, I recommend '2010'

2010's legendary posts are filled with some truly intense insight and psychological explanations about the entire dynamic of what these relationships with BPDs are... .

fascinating, thought-provoking, HIGHLY-RECOMMENDED

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?action=profile;u=38193;sa=showPosts

[caughtnreleased]

Hi Talks to angels,

I'm really sorry for what you're going through.  I think a relationship with a pwBPD is in fact like an addiction and that's why despite your mind telling you that it was terrible, your gut/heart/emotions may just want another fix of the love drug.  Often a relationship with a pwBPD temporarily fills a hole inside of you and that's why when it's going well it feels so good, but then when it goes badly and pwBPD takes back everything they ever gave you, suddenly you're left with your gaping wound.  It's best to treat it like you would an addiction, and don't be too hard on yourself for feeling the way that you do. Don't we all hate ourselves when we are craving that bag of chips, and indulge in it? Well it's the same with these relationships, isn't it.

We've all been there and it is incredibly painful. Be kind to yourself. There are support groups out there for people who have pwBPD in their lives, as well as a number of resources to help you with that.  

The relationship I had forced me to grow as a person only because the pain was unbearable. I was forced to explore ways to build myself back up. I did it, and I am in a place I never thought I would ever be in now. Hang in there, because if you work at it, it gets better. It gets better than you ever thought it could get really.

[talks to angels]

caughtnreleased thanks I started off today ok, than all the sudden just bottomed out. I get what you are saying. I am beating myself up. I was in a really good place before he entered my life. And not to be vain, but I have always had options. I choose him. And like a vampire took all the kindness and compassion and left me for dead. I didnt even realize these sorts existed. I get what you are saying about the hole... .but I didnt have one. I had relationships, yes they ended as loving adults with different lifestyle choices.

[unsureuncertain]

Maybe it helps your partner to think of your relationship as special as he/she moves on to the replacement. It seems the present is more relevant to those with BPD.

[Confused#9999]

Hey talks to angels, unfortunately feeling like nothing we ever did is a mutual feeling most of us feel. After a relationship with them. To them, "shutting off" their emotions never happens because it is never on. They don't feel nostalgic about the memories and experiences we had, because they are just acting the part. They have been conditioned and programmed from childhood to be a robot, which is very heart breaking to us empaths and normal humans.
They don't feel what and how we feel. Imagine if you had to pretend you're something you're not, you would probably feel empty and without identity, like they do.
Knowing how they are, seeing how their relationships end up like and how they go from person to person is still not motivation enough for them to seek help. That's where the narcissism comes in. Mine has a waif traits and therefore a covert narcissist.
Here is a pretty good video about it.
 https://youtu.be/-WVLZXLyO-M

[caughtnreleased]

caughtnreleased thanks I started off today ok, than all the sudden just bottomed out. I get what you are saying. I am beating myself up. I was in a really good place before he entered my life. And not to be vain, but I have always had options. I choose him. And like a vampire took all the kindness and compassion and left me for dead. I didnt even realize these sorts existed. I get what you are saying about the hole... .but I didnt have one. I had relationships, yes they ended as loving adults with different lifestyle choices.

Yes, perhaps hole was the wrong word. But everyone has wounds - you obviously chose your pwBPD for a reason. I know I did. I too had many options - but I found out that for several reasons, I never pursued men. Insecurities led me to be passive and a bit aloof, and fall for men who worked really hard to seduce me.  Everyone has weaknesses, and somehow when we enter these unhealthy relationships, we do so out of weakness, not strength. It's a starting point for exploring yourself. It's not always easy to give ourselves a good hard look, but when we do it's incredibly rewarding. What were you getting from this relationship that made you allow it to go on despite what must have been several red flags? Things definitely do get better - it's hard to think that they do since the discard is so painful, but they do get better. It's a bit like climbing a mountain really. At first it's really hard because you're out of shape and the summit seems so far - but as you persist and keep climbing, you get stronger, in better shape and the summit gets closer. Sometimes you might fall backwards - but you won't lose your shape if you keep working at it.