Won't respect no cotact

[Jacidrinkswine]

I have been no contact for many months from BPD ex. I moves out of state and am in a new relationship. She still call my cell and office phone 10-20 times a week. I have no interest in speaking with her. How long can I expect this behavior to continue? Thanks

[Pretty Woman]

Each person is different so it's hard to tell. It sounds like she doesn't have a secure replacement and is in a panic.

This happened to me with a BPD friend. She called me 50 times one day at work and my phone bounces to another person when I don't answer. It was terrible. I eventually sent her one text, I wish you the best and am willing to speak with you but not not. You are disrespecting my boundaries and blowing up my phone at work. You need to stop, this is not appropriate behavior.

She never called me again and it's been a year this month.

There are a lot of people in this world with severe issues. I would never call someone at work 50 times. Her messages were terrifying, she was pleading and crying.  It's a long story but she went berserk on the phone with me accusing me of comparing the end of my relationship to the death of her child... .something I never would have ever said. She started wailing like I was stabbing her and it was so bad I could not get a word in.

I can't imagine losing a child and I believe she's never been the same after that (the baby died right after birth) still, no excuse to act like a lunatic and call someone at their place of work like that.

I have dealt with quite a few people with issues like this in my life. My only suggestion is if it's not a rush of getting you fired keep ignoring and she will eventually go away. The Only other option is to change numbers if you can.

[unsureuncertain]

Pick up the phone so she stops calling but act boring. Or even better call her first and she should soon realize there is no conversation or any common ground. Avoid telling her about your new relationship as that will feed her insecurity.
I went nc when she didn't want to and it cost me quite a bit as she retaliated with knowledge that hurt me financially and the stress of which caused me to lose my job and my relationship. If I could do it all over, I would try and make peace with her rather than having the situation escalate which happened when I ignored her repeatedly.

[GlennT]

Did you know that there are phone harassment laws? AnnoyanceCallBureau.com LegalBeagle.com/Annoyancecalls. LegalBeagle.net/Annoyancecalls. The AnnoyanceCall Bureau will ask you to record/date all of her calls, like they asked me to do.

[Jacidrinkswine]

I have done much research on the concept of extinguishment . I know I cannot and will not respond. It is not even hard anymore since I want nothing to do with her. I have done more than any reasonable person would do. Paid for therapy and outpatient at a mental hospital. Clearly my efforts have not been successful. She is BPD with psychopathic tendencies and quite scary. I just wish she would cease and desist. I am not currently worried about my physical safety but don't know for sure.

[unsureuncertain]

If you are out of state, do you have any reason to be concerned about your physical safety? I realize she has called you incessantly but has she ever shown up places that you were at?  Especially if you are in different states, that would be scary. Can you get a lawyer involved? What does she want when you do pick up the phone if you ever do? Has she threatened you or does she has information that could hurt you?

[Jacidrinkswine]

Never shown up. She has extorted me to stay with her for half of our relationship.  She is pathological liar and smarter than anyone I have ever met - in a psychopathic way .

[unsureuncertain]

Can you press charges on the repeated extortion? This would certainly keep her from contacting you. After my BPD relationship, I truly believe in the adage keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Unfortunately though I truly loved my ex at one point we became enemies during nc. If your ex is as "smart" as you mention then I'd urge you to be careful, consult an attorney and try to deescalate the situation. Also consider whether she can cause you any damage and weigh the benefits and risks before taking any action.