Confused

[Lolaloo]

Hi,
I'm posting on here as I think my partner of 2 years may have BPD but I'm not sure. All I know is I am so, so confused. In December it was my birthday and she gave me a watch engraved with "always and forever". She told me I meant the world to her etc Then a week later I felt she'd over stepped a boundary and I got angry and told her I wasn't happy. Since then she stormed off and has finished the relationship without letting me explain my side. She had kept in touch via e mail but refuses to talk to me and says she's scared of me which is crazy. She has been angry with me many times in 2 years and probably finished with me about 5 times only to calm down a few days later and we have sorted it. This time had gone on and on. I feel so confused, desperately upset and alone. I miss her so much - well I miss the nice her but it's the nasty side I'm getting over e mail at the moment. I asked if she would to counselling with me for anger management. She had agreed but I'm sure she thinks it's for her when I don't think I suffer from anger problems but think she needs help with rage. In 2 years a she's fallen out with lots of people and I haven't fallen out with any. So why does she say I have an anger problem? I'm so confused! Any advice would be amazing thanks

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi Lolaloo,



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear that. We're not doctors and cannot diagnose but what we can look at are BPD traits. My ex wife is undiagnosed.

A pwBPD have all or nothing thinking and see the world and the people in it as black and white. Splitting is a defense mechanism that protect the ego from anxiety and stress. She can't control it, you can't control it either, I suggest to weather these storms and take this time to focus on you with self care.

 BPD BEHAVIORS: Splitting.

I'm just speculating when i'm saying this, sometimes we may never understand the behaviors of our pwBPD or we may be in the ballpark area, she may be projecting her anger or she may be viewing you as a hyper critical parent, a pwBPD are hyper sensitive think about a HSP ( highly sensitivity person) Maybe now is not the right time to tackle therapy.

You could also utilize this time where she's pushed you away to lear as much a out the disorder as you can, you'll quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time. You could learn communication skills that help partners with BPD traits. A pwBPD feel low self worth and low self esteem, they anticipate that everyone in their lives with reject and abandon them and are self destructive in their ways when they reject their partners firsr.

Communication Skills - Validation.


PS The lessons are to the right side of the board 

[drained1996]

Hi Lolaloo,

I'd like to join Mutt in welcoming you to the family, so sorry you are having to deal with difficult circumstances.  Having a loved one with traits of BPD in our lives can be very emotionally, mentally, and physically draining.  We understand. 
You point out how confused you are... .and that you miss her.  But you do not share exactly how you feel... .what you want.  Have you been able to center yourself enough to think about you, and what you want going forward? 
I know all this can be overwhelming... .note my user name... .drained... .that's where I got.  But ultimately... .it comes down to us... .
Whatever you would like to do, there is support and understanding here.  Do you know what you want?  Do you know what you are feeling? We are here.