Looking for a support group

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,

My dad has BPD. I always knew he was different from most of my friends' dads but just attributed it to him being an authoritarian and strict parent. It wasn't until I was in the pharmaceutical sales world as a college intern and I learned about various behavior disorders that were not due necessarily to a chemical balance - and I discovered the perfect most on-point description of my dad: Borderline Personality Disorder. As I was learning about it, my jaw just dropped. I finally felt understood. 

Over the years I decided to seek therapy for myself as I struggled severely with self confidence and self esteem. I graduated from college and became a CPA. After several years in the work world, my dad begged and begged for me to work for him to help run his local business. It took a year of listening to him repeatedly tell me "I need you" before I caved and convinced myself it would make him happy and subsequently me happy too. I have been working with him for several years now and it has been anything but fun and rewarding. I feel totally trapped. My brother and my mom also work for him.

I have read some books on NPD and BPD and discovered this online support group. I figured it always helps to have strength in numbers and learn from others' experiences.

Thank you for listening and I look forward to learning from you.
 

[ACL_1012]

Hello,

My dad has BPD. I always knew he was different from most of my friends' dads but just attributed it to him being an authoritarian and strict parent. It wasn't until I was in the pharmaceutical sales world as a college intern and I learned about various behavior disorders that were not due necessarily to a chemical balance - and I discovered the perfect most on-point description of my dad: Borderline Personality Disorder. As I was learning about it, my jaw just dropped. I finally felt understood. 

Over the years I decided to seek therapy for myself as I struggled severely with self confidence and self esteem. I graduated from college and became a CPA. After several years in the work world, my dad begged and begged for me to work for him to help run his local business. It took a year of listening to him repeatedly tell me "I need you" before I caved and convinced myself it would make him happy and subsequently me happy too. I have been working with him for several years now and it has been anything but fun and rewarding. I feel totally trapped. My brother and my mom also work for him.

I have read some books on NPD and BPD and discovered this online support group. I figured it always helps to have strength in numbers and learn from others' experiences.

Thank you for listening and I look forward to learning from you.
 

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome ACL_1012:  

I'm sorry about you situation with your dad.  Working in a family business is difficult with the best of circumstances.  It has to be very difficult for you.  Everyone wants validation in the work place and from their family in general.  It has to be doubly frustrating for you to deal with you dad with both family and work dynamics.

Have you thought about looking for another job and about some sort of exit plan to leave the family business and work somewhere else?  Are you exploring this with your therapist?  I can hear that you are aware that it will be impossible for you to make your dad happy and that you are sacrificing your own happiness by trying.  You deserve to have a satisfying career and work in an environment where you receive validation and respect.

How is your brother dealing with the situation?  Are you able to talk confidentially with him? What are some of the major issues for you when working in the family business?