Question for everyone

[Shedd]

I am wondering

A. After how long did it take your ex to come into contact again?

B. What do you think triggered them to come back into contact?

[Mutt]

Hi Shedd,

My ex split me black and smeared me to friends and family, it was intense, then about a year and a half later she tried to talk to me and she wanted to be friends and I got angry at her because of her affair and it was a year and half that she hadn't talked to me.

What triggered it is a couple of different things, you're not split black all at once, same goes with being split white, it takes time. Her boyfriend that she had an affair with moved in with her and that's when she approached me, the intimacy triggered her fear of abandonment, so she's looking for someone that she can fall back on.

Are you wondering when your ex will get in touch with you?

[GuySmiley]

A. 8 years.

B. She'd got married a year before and had a child 2 months before getting back in touch and realised she wasn't and hadn't been happy for years. 

[joeramabeme]

A. 1+ years, nothing.

B. See Answer A.

[FSTL]

I am still being contacted (ran into her last night... .she acted like we had never been apart and hit on me, even though she has a BF). I can't go NC because of of work, so have to go LC.

A week ago she tried to provoke me by saying I was involved with another co-worker. A week before that she made up a BS excuse for getting in contact with me re work. A week before that, another BS work issue.

Last time she broke it off with me (by phone), she wanted to see me the next day. Then she wanted a "casual" relationship... .she wanted all the benefits of a relationship without the responsibilities.

This push/pull crazy stuff will go on as long as we're in contact. Hopefully she will leave her job at some point. My guess is the new BF feels weird for her and I am a safe harbour, so someone she can turn to when she feels bad. They also may not be moving as fast, so she probably fears rejection is coming. He seems like a dough, so she is probably right to feel that way.

[anothercasualty]

1. 4 months (twice)

2. I wish I knew so I could stop it.

[Shedd]

Are you wondering when your ex will get in touch with you?

Hey there,

Yes, I'm wondering when I will receive that text message and just trying to prepare myself for when it happens.

[blanchard]

I am wondering

A. After how long did it take your ex to come into contact again?

B. What do you think triggered them to come back into contact?

Varied from a week to 8 months.

She probably ran out of an easy option to exploit.  They keep a romantic coterie on a low boil at any given moment. 

I've been out of the BPD madness for over two years, but this doesn't dash her attempts to contact me... .despite her seeing someone else.

So happy that I am away from that horrendously stressful nonsense.