Hi glenguy,
I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I can see how depressing it would feel when communication breaks down in a r/s and it's different when our partner suffers from BPD, or traits of BPD. We can't diagnose, only a professional can do that, what we can do is look at BPD traits and set boundaries for ourselves.
I have set guidelines as to what she can not speak to me about over and over again but... .it seems like she is (unable) to stop referring to my past.
Different because feelings = facts to a pwBPD where feelings are followed by facts to a non, I'd like to add that a pwBPD have low self esteem, low self worth, self loath, are highly critial and judgemental to themselves and others too. A pwBPD need a lot of validation, validation is crucial when your partner suffers from BPD, it's a skill that carries over to other interpersonal r/s's in life.
You've told her what your boundary is about your past and she's keep baiting, I'd suggest to not JADE, don't Justify Attack Defend Explain your past, maybe you've already done this but you could tell her again that it's not open to discussion and if she brings the subject up, you'll leave to get some air, you don't necessarily have to leave the house, but you set the boundary on you, not on your partner, if she does X then I do Y. You don't have to explain anything to anyone.
Communication Skills - Don't Be InvalidatingDon't "JADE" (justify, argue, defend, explain)