Let me welcome you here to the bpdfamily, and wish for you as much help and support as I have received. It's clear you have a lot in common with many of us here, and this is a community where we help each other, so I'm sure if you keep posting and reading you will find it helpful.
You may find it interesting that the answer to the questions "what happened," "can things be repaired," and "why did I stay so long" all have some components that are probably intertwined. A lot of us are awe-struck when we start to realize the dynamics of all of this. Learning about BPD will help you understand better. There are good resources here and assistance finding the resources.
The article about
Understanding your role in the relationship might prove useful to you. It is a good first step for many people as they try to understand. It's also a very important step in working on the "can things be repaired" question because it helps understand what we can and cannot change.
Also, reading the posts of the other members can be a huge benefit to putting all of the pieces together.
Please feel free to post - tell us more about what is going on your life and what, if any, plans you might have for the future. I look forward to hearing more from you.
