Walking on eggshells

[Jester20]

So, I ordered this book off amazon the other say and it arrived.
I'm very impressed by the layout and ability to explain it at a lay persons level.
There are some things I read and it just blows me out of the water like... .wow, that is him!
I think from reading it so far in it exploring it my husband was previously what would have been classed as a high functioning BPD. At the moment he is low functioning and I think this is due to the 4 major stressors we went through in our first few years of marriage. This bring ; marriage, a huge move, health issues ( him) and the passing of his father. This obviously spiralled him down and his mother may well have never seen this side to him ( she has repeatedly told me she cannot believe that what I tell her of her son is true and this is not how she remembers him) this also ties in with a bit in the book that says that high functioning BPD usually are able to present well to the outside everyday world and only really the people they live with i.e. SO/ wife's and husbands see the other side... .which other people find hard to believe.
Another thing... .and this is the thing that pretty much finished me off emotionally was he would turn things around and decline to acknowledge that I had said certain things or he would say that things happened differently from how I remembered them! Now this really got me because I actually thought I was going mad and remembering things wrong. I searched this on the internet and came across something called ' gas lighting' a form of abuse... .well I nearly cried when I read this as this was exactly what he was doing. I remember I emailed him this article and asked him to read it which he did. He didn't believe that he was doing this (obviously) but it's funny that he has not done this since I challenged him about it. This makes me wonder if pwBPD have some type of control over what they do... .or understand more than what they let on. For example, the book says that pwBPD are not trying to be manipulative, or being deceitful on purpose or don't mean to act with such anger or rage it is just that they do not have the right processes to deal with this.
My husband also does not have a huge fear of abandonment ( or not that he has disclosed to me). He has never tried to isolate me from family or friends... .if I go out he isn't always texting etc. If anything he is happy to spend time by himself. During the really bad days when I asked him to leave he would say things like " please don't give up on me just yet" or when we seriously spoke last year about separating he was very adult and mature about it. He has never threatened to kill himself... .he just did it... .but that didn't come after I threatened to leave or aske him to leave.

Anyway these are just a few thoughts from having begun to read the book and I thought I would share this. Hope that's ok

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[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Hulu:  

Another thing... .and this is the thing that pretty much finished me off emotionally was he would turn things around and decline to acknowledge that I had said certain things or he would say that things happened differently from how I remembered them! Now this really got me because I actually thought I was going mad and remembering things wrong.

My uBPD sister would do similar things.  She would swear I didn't say something that I did, then swear I said something I didn't.  When she got revved up during a phone conversation, you couldn't get a word in.  She would make an assumption that you would disagree, and start arguing, even if you agreed. (she didn't give you a chance to agree, ).

You might want to read: Why Do Narcissists and Borderlines Lie So Much?

There is, also, a "Stop Walking on Egg Shells Workbook".  I bought the Kindle version.  You might find it a good supplement to the book you just bought.