speaking purely for myself here:
i learned the skills a few years after my relationship ended. they have enriched all of my relationships, of all kinds. i have no question that they would have improved the relationship that brought me here. but that relationship, skills or no skills, improvement or no improvement, wasnt meant to be.
in other words, its normal to have regrets. and its healthy-minded to learn lessons from the relationship about being a better, more attuned partner.
neither of those things mean that this relationship is meant to be.
i dont say that to discourage you from trying again. if you arent done, and you want to try again, then youre right to approach it by considering a very different game plan. when a relationship has that many break up/make up cycles, something about it is broken, and each one does successively more damage. something would have to give, and youd want to identify what, and how, if possible, it can be resolved, if you are to reconcile.
so, it is to say, theres more to consider here than whether things could be better than they were. with hindsight, we can always do better.
at the same time still refusing to be in a relationship with me because he is “terrified” that we are just going to end up hurting each other.
ive known people who have said things like this. ive been on the receiving end of it a few times. ive rejected exactly one person for it myself.
is he right?