Cognitive distortion

[LorelaiViolet]

How do you deal with it when your partner experiences cognitive distortions - when you are accused of intentions or actions that are not true, nor representative of anything you have actually said or done?

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[cynp]

This is a topic i am struggling with. if I argue or defend myself, I am being invalidating and it just causes more raging. so that dosent work. i just stay quite and listen. It is hard to be acused of all sorts of awful things and made to feel so terrible. but sometimes if i can greyrock and take the episode without reaction, they will shout themselves out and the rage episide will pass.
Some day I hope i have the strength to create boundries, and not accept this cruel behaviour, but i am just not there yet. 

[LorelaiViolet]

At the moment I do the same thing. I want to say nothing, just to calm him down, but then I have all these tiny injuries in my heart that are not mended.

[cynp]

all these tiny injuries in my heart that are not mended.

Yes, I am carrying around so much. Each day i wonder who is coming home, the loving, helpful, and caring personality or raging, cruel, and hatful. i never know.