Bpd mother cut me off

[Supersaddaughter]

My bod mother has cut me off. No contact.  She sometimes pretended to be a parent. I guess that’s what I am missing.  It’s peaceful without her but I wonder if she will ever call or see me again. Not sure if I want her to but still wonder. I also wonder if I really even miss her or want to hear from her again.

[pipistrelle1987]

Has she done this before as a punishment? Many people have said to enjoy the silence whilst it lasts and this sounds like what you’re experiencing, but do you ever feel a sense of uncertainty or anxiety around the silent treatment?

[TelHill]

Hello Supersaddaughter,

I’m sorry this has happened. I’m the only daughter (I have an older brother) of a dBPD mother. She’s not been like a mother to me. She has put me down throughout my life and has hit me. I felt like she despised me.

She’s had a problem acting like I’m an extension of her instad of a separate person. She wanted me to stay home with her and never leave her side.That was her hope for my life.  I’ve had the silent treatment a few times, but it’s been short-lived.

I think she will try to contact you again at some point. Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t acknowledge it or blames you for it when she does come around. They don’t see their own part in these situations. They feel a sense of deep shame and try to deflect blame.

How do you feel about her going no contact? Do you have any siblings. Is your dad still around?

[Notwendy]

I think several of us have felt this odd combination of feelings. We may also feel guilty that we don't feel what we think we are supposed to feel, and also some grief that we aren't feeling that way.

After my father passed away, BPD mother had cut me off, then resumed contact. As Tell Hill mentioned, it is possible your mother may resume contact at some point and also possibly act as if all was normal again.

Don't judge yourself for whatever you are feeling. If you don't miss her, then you don't. Maybe there are parts of the relationship you will miss- or maybe not. Maybe you will feel several emotions at the same time.

[zachira]

Mothers with BPD dump their overwhelming feelings onto others especially their children because they are too afraid of how they feel. My mother with BPD is deceased. It is so challenging not to feel guilty when we have been told since birth it is our job to make our mother happy. Which feelings belong to your mother and which ones are yours to own?

[Supersaddaughter]

Has she done this before as a punishment? Many people have said to enjoy the silence whilst it lasts and this sounds like what you’re experiencing, but do you ever feel a sense of uncertainty or anxiety around the silent treatment?

Not for this long. It’s been about 1.5 years now. I have sadness because of it. She was abusive and awful most of the time but if I needed her she would usually show up.

[Notwendy]

It's not possible to control someone else's actions or feelings. If your mother has decided to not have contact with you for over a year- that is her decision. You aren't responsible for that.

Whatever your feelings are- you can have your own feelings. You may feel more peaceful, and you might not miss her. This may seem odd to other people who don't have your situation- but it's OK to feel what you feel.

Maybe your mother will try to reconnect at some point, and maybe she won't. It's possible you will miss her at times and other times you may not. This part isn't controllable.