Hi! This is a relationship of 2 years. i'm (M26) she's (F27)
So, we had an argument and broke up with her. I said some hurtful stuff and she did too, because we were mad at eachother.
We went NC for about 4 days, tried to contact her, she was very cold, gave her flowers, thanked me and told me the flowers were gorgeous, but said she didn't want to be in a relationship and i needed to understand that, plus she felt like we weren't getting along (due to life problems, it impacted our relationship).
How long should i wait for trying to contact her again? I told her i'm truly sorry and that i want to show her my feelings, and that it's common for a relationship to have its ups and downs, but she won't listen to reason, and i don't think she suddenly stopped loving me from one day to another... even though we were in a bad spot for a few weeks
Its actually crazy how similar you sound to me. I just went through a breakup and went through a lot of emotions.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=3060772.0Take a look at my thread. I tried to note down learnings I had too. The biggest thing was learning how to forgive truly. First forgive yourself. You're a human. You made a mistake. Don't justify your behaviour, but take accountability. What can you do differently next time? Why did you get to that point? Are you holding in feelings and letting them boil up?
To get better from this you have to internalize that they have mental health issues. Imagine it this way. You woke up today, that's good. Do you remember yesterday? The day before? How you felt? Your standing in life? I can go on. Essentially im asking you about your identity. Your ex fundementally doesn't have that identity. Think about how insane that is. They literally can change their opinion from hour to hour day to day. Feelings = reality. It's magical thinking to the max. Infact this is pretty normal in all of us because we're human. However for someone who suffers bpd, they take this to an extreme because their emotions are really extreme. They can't self soothe properly.
Remember, you didn't cause it, you cant fix it.
My heart goes out to you. For me working out intensely with blind faith that things will get better is what got me through the storm.
