Does this sound like bpd?
Laundry gets left to do so when I get to my weekend I start completing it. Wife gets offended by me doing laundry saying that me doing the laundry is me saying she didnt do enough and is slacking.
Indeed I think that this could indicate typical dysfunctional BPD thinking. You see, when you do a chore, you're basically reminding her that she's not pulling her weight. Cue the feelings of inadequacy/incompetence/laziness, and she feels bad. Rather than put things in perspective and think about things rationally (I've been procrastinating, I should help out, the weekend is a good time to catch up on chores, my spouse really goes above and beyond, I should thank him, I should pitch in and do my fair share, chores are a pain but having the household clean and organized is worth it, when the chores are done we can enjoy a nice romantic evening), her "BPD brain" takes over. "BPD brain" doesn't like discomfort, and especially feelings of shame/inadequacy/incompetence. She's actually torn up about it, and thinking about it so much that she unleashes her discomfort and projects it back onto you. "You think I don't do enough and that I'm a slacker!" is code for what she really thinks about herself, but is too ashamed to admit it, let alone fix it. Her feelings of guilt come out as accusations. If she's really riled up, she'll go further: "All you do is work! You care more about your stupid job and stupid things around the house than you ever cared about me! You don't do anything for me! You're a terrible, selfish person! Stop what you're doing right now! You're a loser." Sound familiar? I've heard this sort of thing (projection, blaming, attempt to control) from pwBPD and BPD traits many times.
In my experience with BPD, I think her ruminating and emotional turmoil is so draining that she has real difficulties functioning. She isn't just tired, she's EXHAUSTED. She can't handle a little fatigue, either--to her, it feels like the end of the world. I think her internal dialogue is constantly negative, and when it comes to chores, her brain makes mountains out of molehills. Every task seems so daunting and draining that procrastination is a typical coping tactic. She spends more time dreading a task than actually doing it. Moreover, since others around her have over-functioned for her, in the name of helping her and preventing a meltdown, she probably learned long ago that life is easiest when she lets other people do things for her. The problem is, she probably didn't get a chance to learn some basic life skills, such as cooking, paying bills or handling other administrative and household matters. Does she seem clueless/ditzy about how insurance works, how household appliances work, how to take care of her car, how much things cost, taxes and other adult matters? It could be that she's so anxious about her incompetence that she avoids unfamiliar tasks altogether, preferring to delegate. The sad thing is, this makes her feel less valued, less competent and less part of the family. She could RESENT you for feeling so dependent on you. That's typical of BPD in my opinion.
