Sitting with the discomfort…

[Depression = 72% of members]

47 years old and I finally can see it, the people-pleasing, the codependency, the highly sensitive to rejection trait, which has woven its way into all my relationships and areas of my life. I finally understand what they mean when they say, you need to sit with the discomfort of other people not being happy with you or for whatever reason.

Any advice as I go about this journey? I’m recognising the physical feelings of discomfort when I have upset someone (whether it’s real or imagined). What is next? I don’t have a therapist and it’s still not something I’m ready for, given how hard it would be to go against my dbpd wife’s wishes. I do realise this contradicts what I’ve just said about my intentions to improve. One step at a time…

[thankful person]

47 years old and I finally can see it, the people-pleasing, the codependency, the highly sensitive to rejection trait, which has woven its way into all my relationships and areas of my life. I finally understand what they mean when they say, you need to sit with the discomfort of other people not being happy with you or for whatever reason.

Any advice as I go about this journey? I’m recognising the physical feelings of discomfort when I have upset someone (whether it’s real or imagined). What is next? I don’t have a therapist and it’s still not something I’m ready for, given how hard it would be to go against my dbpd wife’s wishes. I do realise this contradicts what I’ve just said about my intentions to improve. One step at a time…

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi thankful person, good to see you.

That awareness you’re describing, especially noticing the discomfort instead of reacting to it, is a big shift. It may not feel like it, but that’s the work.

A simple next step is just staying with it a little longer each time, without fixing or people-pleasing right away.

If you want to share, what does that discomfort feel like in your body when it shows up?