Dating someone with BPD, got blocked and am unsure how to process this (context)

[elysium]

We're both young, I'm older but we are still late teens. I'll just try and summarise what I can.

I messaged her on social media as mutuals, and was making intentions clear with a pick-up line, we talked for the whole night and we seemed to connect better than anyone else I've met in long time. She was obsessed, and unfortunately I reciprocated instead of drawing a boundary where it was immediately roleplaying almost as partners, fantasising a lot, rather than gradual connection.

This was a month ago, first week rolls around, she's dying to see me, tells me how she can't wait to kiss me and just spend time together, first date - she breaks all my plans and takes me somewhere else despite knowing I had things planned. The introduction was off too, she refused to hold hands and was distant immediately, of course that is okay, it's just the opposite of how she seemed to hype up the entire situation. For our entire date, she had been distant physically, basically mean-girl teasing and being outwardly the complete opposite to her online 'persona', being purposefully gross, lying, saying how horrible she was, it was extremely weird even with comments about her defecating herself...Despite this certain things were broken in such as her saying she's never been treated with such care and kindness by someone, someone else being genuinely this interested in her and for herself - referring to me, even thinking I was some joke or prank by her friends setup to embarrass her, that nothing about me could have been real. When I asked if anything she said was then real, she got nervous and muttered between yes and no incoherently. It wasn't until the end I just let go of caring and treated her with the same wild energy where we both enjoyed ourselves on the walk back, but even saying goodbye, it was just coldness and her freezing at a hug and saying nothing.

I decided to just leave messaging as I was bummed out but she messaged me after extremely upset by me not messaging and apologising for not giving me a hug and being nervous etc, and when I confronted the issue gently at hand she exposed she just is worried due to treating others badly in relationships and essentially it came across as her pushing me away before she could hurt me. We set boundaries in taking it slow and getting to know each other first before developing our feelings truly, and it was great from there.

Week after, we promise and plan to do a date, however she seemed to be upset at this time, so I gave her space that I asked if she needed and let it go, just being supportive.

The next week I had a really big live show, performing music with my band, I invite her - she is up to it and thirty minutes before I'm on she bails on me for her male bestie to hangout only a few minutes away, again I just can't be bothered so go enjoy myself, pattern repeats in her apologising and seeming to be self aware this was wrong of her.

Final week, multiple times we rescheduled this date and she blew me off without warning each time or just had an excuse, such as having a sleepover with this same friend. You can imagine by the end with me being supportive, caring and trying to be healthy with boundaries and expectations I started pulling away emotionally a little, just as she was. I was losing interest, with the same patterns repeating and feeling only used, despite this she still would say she missed me, and plan future activities or things we could do - setting it up to be almost future couple thing, again similarly to her likes, reposts and what she shared to myself, everything was still looking to be that way.

She got kicked out of her house the other day, I was being supportive but again, less interested and burned out. She didn't really seem to care much but she's safe now. Today I was planning on just sending a short message communicating some feelings of wanting to make it work, with communication being needed, and I'm losing interest because of this.

But ironically I see she has blocked me on our main app without warning.

Does she just not care anymore? Initially a lot of behaviour made me think she was truly trying, I understand it can be hard for her and maybe it was more to do with guilt however by the end it just feels like she couldn't care less and wanted something strictly online. I can't even tell myself it's about me, I was supportive and loving, did everything I could - I am self-aware I'm very wanted by others, and as she said, she couldn't even believe I was real for many reasons. I just don't know if I should expect more from this discard from her, I've taken her off other social media, I'm not that upset as I had expectations from her warnings, It's just disappointing, I really want to help and be there for her, make this work, but it feels like she doesn't want that to happen and I don't want that being forced.

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[Under The Bridge]

Hi and welcome to the site; you're in good company as we've all experienced the same thing in our relationships.

From what you've written, it would seem that she is exhibiting a lot of the standard BPD characteristics. They can vary in intensity in each case but they all have the same basic symptoms, such as blowing hot and cold all the time, being insecure and not knowing what they want from moment to moment,

If you've read the many posts on here you'll have seen how things invariably go, Sadly, they don't tend to improve - even though we'd like them to and see ourselves as 'the one who will save them'. They follow a self-destructive, repeating cycle.

She does seem to have some knowledge of her actions though, when you say she was worried about pushing you away like she's done to others in the past. Most BPD's usually try to reverse the story and claim that every previous partner was bad to them and they were the innocent ones.

It's still early days in your relationship so the basic question would be are you prepared to continue, knowing that things could get worse? We've all persevered in our BPD relationship and probably put more far more effort into it than we've ever done, but the outcome sadly doesn't improve and we end up in the cycle of being the white night one minute and the black villain the next.

You seem quite prepared to end things and, hard though it is, it may be the best option and save you a lot of grief in future. The longer you're enmeshed the harder it is to break free - I certainly wish I'd walked away much earlier than I did as it would have spared me years of heartache and frustration, trying to fight a battle I could never win.

Only you can decide how far you're willing to go, or not go. Feel free to give us more details or just write to get it out of your system. We all know exactly what you're going through.

Best wishes.