The Flying Monkeys Are At It Again!

[zachira]

I got a phone call from one of the flying monkeys from my large extended family. Summer is the time of year when the flying monkeys bother me because they want to know if I will be around. I kept my cool, practiced boundaries yet today I still feel the hurt. I am still working on accepting that the flying monkeys from the narcissistic family are hell bent on preserving the family image. I have refused to accept my role as scapegoat or the abuse of other scapegoats so I am ostracized. The flying monkeys could never take a look at how they have enabled the abuse of others.

The family does not want me to come to the celebration of life of a close relative who I was close to. The invitations were sent out months ago to everyone but me. Now I am being asked a few days in advance if I will be attending. The person who called knows I was never sent an invitation, that I live far away most of the year and would have just a few days to book a flight to be able to come if I am not actually at the summer place. She just really wanted to know if I would be at the summer place. I used to receive this kind of inquiry every summer and I did not respond. Her phony voice asking me if I was coming just turned my stomach. She made several nasty comments, talked down to me. I am still feeling grossed out by this interaction realizing I have moved so far in discovering my true self and realizing I just do not enjoy my two faced phony relatives.  Thanks for reading this. Want to just move on.

[Notwendy]

I agree- Zachira- I think at some level, it will always feel upsetting when dealing with the flying monkeys. I think a difference now is that- we recognize it and can "recover" our calm again a bit more quicker. I don't think there's one exact word for how this feels- it's like an ick feeling.

They don't change, and yet, I think these episodes also bring back some grief and disappointment - as we had wished for something better with them, but this is who they are.

You have every right to protect your peace. Inractions with family members may not be completely avoidable but acting calm, collected, non reactive keeps your power with you.

Self care is a good response to when we feel icky after contact with them. Go do something nice for yourself

[ForeverDad]

Yes, you're welcome to move on.  When invitations, call or whatever from negative-oriented people come knocking at your door, so to speak, you don't have to answer.  As the saying goes, you don't have to let them rent space in your head for free.

This reminds me of this booklet meant for youths, An Umbrella for Alex.  The message there is generic since minor children need age-appropriate language.  A simple illustration was appropriate, imagine an umbrella or shield to protect you from the harm spewing out from poorly behaving people.