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Author Topic: Quiet BPD - need help understanding  (Read 76 times)
cravingpeace234
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: single
Posts: 2


« on: July 14, 2026, 11:38:28 PM »

My long distance gf with quiet BPD broke up with me suddenly over text last week citing that the long distance was "too much" for her. When I asked her to call me she said that a call would be "breaking her boundaries". She was very apologetic but cold/short with her responses. The next day I awoke and found she had blocked me on almost everything. I made the unfortunate mistake of chasing her for a week. I spammed her with texts, a burner, and a message to her friend assuring her that I wished her the best and wanted to just get closure. Unfortunately, the last communication I received from her was when I reached out on secondary account and told her "I am reading up on the BPD discard and am hear whenever you want to talk" to which she replied "I'm sick of people attributing my breakups to my mental condition" before another block on that account. I took to Google AI as a last resort to try and gain some knowledge where it has assured me that maintaining no contact will result in her eventually unblocking and attempting a charm. However, the more I read into more specific cases, it seems that with Quiet BPD, there is no charm. And besides, her reasoning for ending things and blocking is actually reasonable: long distance is hard.

I am now on day 9 of indefinite no contact. My question is: does no contact work on a person with quiet BPD the same way it does with regular BPD? What are the chances I ever speak to her again? She told me things that she assured me she has never told any ex, and I am certain I am her favorite person. What are my chances that she gets in contact with me? Should I break no contact and reach out eventually? I would love some insight from someone who was dealt with Quiet BPD. Thank you!
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Under The Bridge
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 263


« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2026, 05:00:13 AM »

Hi and welcome to the forums. We've all been through the same thing so we know exactly where youre coming from.

I reached out on secondary account and told her "I am reading up on the BPD discard and am hear whenever you want to talk" to which she replied "I'm sick of people attributing my breakups to my mental condition" before another block on that account.

A lot of BPD's won't ever admit they have any sort of problem, always playing 'the victim' and can react badly to any accusations of being the cause. Even when breakups happen a lot they can't make the logical connection that they are the common denominator in every incident. BPD is an illness of self-denial and if the sufferer believes they aren't the problem then they'll do nothing to try it fix it. In their mind it's 'the world' that needs fixing, never them.

If you keep contacting them they can become overwhelmed and this can make them withdraw further. We're often in a no-win situation where if we ignore them they think we dont care and if we make too much fuss we're 'controlling and demanding'.  BPD can turn our well-meaning acts into ones seen as hostile.

One thing applies to all versions of BPD; you can't make them do anything they don't want to. I'd be inclined to send her a simple and sincere message that you're there for her whenever she wants to talk and then you can do no more - the ball is firmly in her court.

I used to give my exBPD g/f space to cool off and she would eventually return to the place we used to go, but she could takes weeks - and in one case 9 months - to do it. Once I'd wrote though, I didn't keep contacting her.

Hope this helps, no doubt others will be along to give help and advice too.

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cravingpeace234
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: single
Posts: 2


« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2026, 03:21:34 PM »

It's a tricky line to ride for me. It's been 12 days of no contact and I feel like I've already said all that I could say in that first week of chasing and it's probably best not to break the silence. My reckless chasing probably caused either a permanent split or one that will last a very very long time and that reality has been very hard to face because I feel I really loved her. Since we were long distance I doubt she'll really even be prompted to think about me after a certain amount of time since there isn't much reminding her to do so. I'm hurting badly, but thank you for the response - reading it did help quite a bit. Do you think reaching out after a few weeks with a brief message is wise?
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