Some helpful truths to live by

[hotchip]

Things I read, or which were said, over time after discard which have become more and more obviously true over time, and might be helpful to others:

1. The relationship, or rather, interaction (a relationship requires genuine participation in both directions) was not special, but rather deeply repetitive and un-unique. It was part of a toxic cycle the BPD person began well before you appeared, and it will continue well after you are gone.

2. The red flags were there from the beginning. At a certain point, asking why you overlooked them will be more helpful than relitigating the BPD's toxic and unreasonable behaviour.

3. You were not loved, you were flattered and mirrored.

4. The positive qualities the BPD latched onto are real and still with you. They are incapable of love, but they can illuminate for you what you consider loveable in yourself.

5. You will never get answers from a disordered person. And if you did, they would be meaningless.

6. Go and be yourself and hold onto your integrity! It's all you have.

[ForeverDad]

6. Go and be yourself and hold onto your integrity! It's all you have.

Our integrity is precious and much too rare. "Until I die, I will not renounce my integrity!" - Job 27:5

"Be wise, my son, and make my heart rejoice, So that I can make a reply to him who taunts me." - Proverbs 27:11

[PeteWitsend]

...
1. The relationship, or rather, interaction (a relationship requires genuine participation in both directions) was not special, but rather deeply repetitive and un-unique. It was part of a toxic cycle the BPD person began well before you appeared, and it will continue well after you are gone.

...

These are all really good points, and I think should almost be stickied, or printed out and handed to everyone getting out of a relationship with a BPDer if they're still questioning what they could have done to make things better, and whether they should reach out again.

I like the part I bolded above the most though, because that really hammers home that the dysfunction has nothing to do with the non-disordered partner, and would be occurring with someone else if they were not there.  All you can really do is not engage at all and move on. 

It made me think of the quote from the computer at the end of the movie War Games sometimes...