do they come back if they were the one who left?

[wolfie123]

what happens if they are the one who left? if they initiated the abandonment?
i thought their worst fear was me leaving. so why would they erase me out of their lives. i cant deal with seeing him move on. it ruptures every fabric of reality for me and whether any of the kindness, the "i cant live without you"s were real. him coming back, breadcrumbing, would be some sort of proof for me that he understands his part. so far, 3 months of radio silence.

[Alz123]

From what I understand, it is possible for them to come back, but less likely than in a non BPD person because they have difficulty with object permanence (the ability to hold someone in mind even when not around them). It's also a protective strategy - the fear of being abandoned is so strong that they will do the rejecting to avoid the risk of being rejected.

It's so bloody painful isn't it

[Alz123]

The rest of my message didn't post for some reason.
What I went on to say is that it's so hard for a non BPD person to understand how someone can suddenly be so cold.

When he said 'I can't live without you' he probably did mean it. Unlike narcissistic PD, BPDs do feel love in their way. Unfortunately the feeling of being so close to someone is also a threat to them because of the fear of losing it, so they will often do the abandoning first.

Try to look after yourself and get the support you need. I know it's hard when every fibre in your being probably wants to hear from him but all it does is prolong the pain.

[Tupla Sport]

BPD ex no.1 came back once. She was the relatively healthy one. I would describe her "BPD wound" acting up as a bratty teenager. She sometimes went on full-blown tirades on how bad everyone else was but it was always relatively grounded. We tried being friends after dating on two different occasions but I found that she was weird and high maintenance even as a friend and she found me manipulative. She did text me once after a few years of no contact. Not sure if she meant to test me, she sent the text in English which is not our native language. Could have been testing me, could have been trying to contact someone else. The first time she dumped me and the second time I dumped her.

BPD ex no. 2 lives in my neighbourhood and I see her around sometimes but I strongly feel I'm never going to hear a peep from her. Her BPD wound manifests more like the classic emotional toddler with absolutely no control. She monkey-branched with a then-good friend of mine. It's tiresome seeing her around but I haven't mustered the will to move out because I like my current apartment. She dumped me.