Personal statement

[Desparado_ef]

Thank you for this outlet. I am dealing with a sibling who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and whom I believe to also suffer from narcissistic personality disorder as well. If the two can be occurring simultaneously?

He engages in extremely destructive behavior and has for the past 8 or so years (really ramped up the intensity in the last 5 years) caused our family a great of hurt, disappointment and shame. I don't know how else to go about dealing with this as I am very much the internalised. When his destructive behavior comes to the fore about every 4-6 months it's a national topic of discussion. He doesn't care about how his actions affect my parents. He constantly says awful things like "he is living his life and what he does shouldn't affect them/us". Yet, they have to constantly bail him out or run to the hospital behind his latest drama.

It's exhausting. My parents do not deserve this. I don't think it's fair. That their life is under the microscope of a country because he refuses to acknowledge that he is unwell.

I don't know what else to do. So here I am.
Help me to find the mechanisms to cope.

[_Joy_]

Hi Desparado_ef,

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I can relate. My mother has Borderline Personality Disorder and my sister has started exhibiting traits very similar to hers. I wish I had words of wisdom with how to cope. I'm still trying to figure that out too. Hopefully we'll figure it out soon.   

[Mutt]

Hi Desparado_ef,

He constantly says awful things like "he is living his life and what he does shouldn't affect them/us".

I'd like to join _Joy_ and welcome you to  bpdfamily. I can see how stressful and distressing that would feel when a family members suffers from mental illness, it also has to be hard to watch your parents go through this. I have to agree with your sibling though, a coping mechanism is to depersonalize the behaviors, your sibling's mental illness is not personal, although you can have your feelings about it, it helps to talk it. Learn to stop reacting to your sibling when they have an emotional uproar.




PS You'll find the lessons on the right side of the board.  

[Turkish]

It sounds like your brother and possibly your family are public figures.  This certainly adds a while other level of stress to be under the microscope of public opinion. 

Leaving that aspect aside (for now), it sounds like you are most struggling with how his behaviours are affecting your parents,  yes? From what you wrote, and please clarify if I am song this wrong, it sounds like your parents are engaging in rescuing behaviors. If I went a step further,  would it be right to say that rescuing=enabling? If so,  it's understandable from a parents' point of view.  We see this on the Parenting Board, parents at a loss of how to set boundaries interacting with an emotionally limited child who is often so wrapped up on themselves, being incapable of seeing the harm they cause others.  Drama is normal to them; it's all they've known. 

Is your primary goal here to help your parents better interact with him?

[Desparado_ef]

It is not so much public figures but he is quite infamous in the country. His behavior has dragged my family under the microscope. He is constantly seeking to be a national topic. I would love to help my parents to know when to let go but they are pointedly aware that if they do not help him. No one will because he is burdensome. His behavior is that of an entitled know-it-all.

Drama is all he knows. He thrives on drama and confrontation. He drags them in and I think their religious beliefs have a lot to do with them not wanting to cut the ties.

[Turkish]

We can help you deal with your parents, but ultimately they own their r/s with your brother.

Otherwise, how is it affecting you?

[Desparado_ef]

We can help you deal with your parents, but ultimately they own their r/s with your brother.

Otherwise, how is it affecting you?

I'm in between numb and overwhelmed. I feel under the microscope but I don't know if that is real or imagined. I feel like everyone is talking but not to me just about me. Judging my parents  and my family based on the actions of him.
I am scared that both my parents are taking it so hard and how it could negatively affect their health. Both at their wit's end trying to get him help he constantly refuses.
I feel like I want to sink into a hole. My bf said I need Jesus and that I have lost my faith. My parents are very religious and I haven't lost it as much as not sure God is looking in on this situation at all. It gets worse and it's all so over exposed. I have to try to create a semblance of normalcy when I hardly feel normal.

Sometimes, I am just floating through the day. Anxiety overcoming me whenever I see my phone ring.

My friend gave me a number for a counselor but what do I say?
"Hi, you've probably heard of my brother. Please don't judge me."


I am sad. I am tired of the situation. I am overwhelmed.