Hi JMFS,
I'd like to join
gotbushels and welcome you to bpdfamily. I can relate with feeling like you're losing it when you're in a r/s with a pwBPD, we can lose our sense of self taking care of a pwBPD, our self esteem takes a hit and we may believe the projections and dissociations from a pwBPD.
My ex and I would seperate like clockwork the 2nd year into our r/s, we were together for 5 years, god bless my sister because I always had a place that to stay when my ex would kick me out of the house. That being said, gradually the r/s kept getting worse, specifically the conflict and the blocks where my ex would split me black where getting longer and longer with what felt like no reprieve.
I'd stay at my sister's for about about two weeks to a month, my ex would me, probably because she had was back to her baseline, her abandonment fears kicked in or she was forgetting me with lack of object constancy or a combination of all three. She would get upset because I'd reject returning home and I never told her this but I just needed a break, time to charge up my batteries, that distance helped with my anxiety, I felt better but I recall talking to my brother in law and asking him if I was losing it, I felt like I was going crazy because nothing made sense. Whenever I tried to extend the olive branch my ex would vehemently reject it.
You're not alone, it helps to talk.
