Hi No-different,
I'd like to join the others in welcoming you. I'm so sorry to hear about the pain you're experiencing. We know what you're going through and have all been there. Some are still in that place and sadly others will join us. We all have our own ways of coping, but the
Lessons are very helpful to give you a gauge on where you are in the process.
It is going to be raw and very painful, and I won't sugar coat it for you - really tough and can be like that for some time. However when you consider on balance what the alternative looks like, it becomes easier to see that the pain now is better than the long term pain that is inevitable in a BPD r/s that isn't going to improve. When we come to that point of acceptance that this is the way it is going to remain, at a minimum, and see that it is not sustainable for us long term, the only way out I'm afraid is through this pain. So make it your friend and know that what you feel now will in time get better. Which is something we cannot assure ourselves of in the alternative. It is hard, and that's why we are here to help you through and to tell you that even if it doesn't seem like it now, things do turn out improved and you can heal from this.
I'd encourage you to read all you can here, as you'll see you're not alone, that others do recover from these relationships and that there are reasons why we stay in them as we do, way past the first red flag. One article I found really helpful in the early stages was this one on
Surviving a breakup when your partner has BPD. It allowed me to focus in on the things that held back my recovery and to address these one by one. You might find the polls on this board connected to the 10 beliefs that keep us stuck really useful too. There are links to these at the bottom of the article. I hope you get as much out of this as I did and that it reinforces the healthy decision you have made.
Let us know if you feel any of the beliefs currently apply to you. I'd be interested to see if there are questions we can help you to answer for yourself in order to ease your healing.
Right now, take really good care of you and surround yourself with others who care about your well being, whether that be colleagues, friends, or family. This takes time and we'll be here for you along the way. It's a journey worth taking because you are worth it.
Love and light x