Abusive behaviour

[jc2]

I wish I could write a letter to my BPD partner.  She has been lashing out at me for several days now and I could not cope with anymore.  She calls me names, she shouts, she spits and screams and says the most horrible, vulgar and disgusting things about me.  I try not to take any of it personally but as soon as she senses that she gets closer and closer to the bone.  She seeks and craves my reaction and that I have taken it personally. I try to go out or do other things but have to be very careful that she does not perceive this as me trying to be away from her.  Her neediness is such that she will sense anything negative.  Today I knew I had been pushed to the limit of my ability to not take it personally and said I would not accept her being verbally abusive and that we needed time out.  I reassured her that this did not mean all day and that we still had plans to go out for the evening.  However, she decided that I was such a horrible person that she packed a small bag and stormed out.  She keeps ringing and now accuses me of kicking her out of the house which I did not do and that she is going to punish me by not coming back at all tonight.  This means she will sleep in her car and be even more destructive tomorrow.    And so the vicious circle will continue.  She has intermittently sought external help and counselling but has not been consistent with this.  I have never been very good at holding boundaries whilst not invalidating at the same time. She would be furious of she knew I was here but I have also become very isolated.  Thank you for listening.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

What you are describing sounds like an Extinction Burst. She pushed against your boundary of not being treated a certain way and you maintained it. She reacted in an attempt to get you to cave and remove the boundary. If you allow her to do that, you are teaching her that treating you way is acceptable. That will really hurt your situation.

Does what the article that I linked seem to describe your situation?

[butterflylove]

I was also spit on more than once, and have been called all of those names and worse... .it's unbearable.