Welcome Whenpigsfly: I like your alias. You need to get an icon of a flying pig, .
I'm sorry about the situation with your son and DIL. It seems to be a common story. Is your son codependent? What many times happens is that the son wants to please his wife at all costs. Sometime, the son is influenced by his wife idealizing him. In other cases, the son might be fearful of making his wife angry, so he gives her whatever she wants. In many cases, the MIL is seen as a threat to the DIL and the MIL is painted black.
his, of course, is quite upsetting to the family dynamic and heartbreaking for myself and husband. We are even contemplating moving in the near future to escape the tension and constant drama. We would be sacrificing the good relationships with our other children, spouses and grandchildren. Heartbreaking. Your thoughts?
I think you will regret moving away, if that means rarely seeing your other two sons, their spouses and grandchildren. The thing to do is to set and enforce boundaries and use specific communication skills to make things better for you and other family members. Using strategic communication skills can help eliminate the drama. You can't change her, but you can change the way you interact with her and the way you react to her.
What are some of the dramas you are dealing with? If you are willing to share some examples, we can perhaps give you some suggestions.
You might want to start reading about
BOUNDARIES. They are for your benefit and will be up to you and your husband to enforce consistently. Click on the green word and learn about boundaries. What might be some boundaries you might want to set?
We look forward to hearing more of your story.