I'm sorry for what you're going through but glad you have found a community where many of us have been through similar experiences, and we can learn from each other.
What happened recently to bring your here?
Not accepting responsibility for their own actions is pretty common in people with BPD. They project their feelings and emotions about themselves onto the people with whom they are intimate. That may be what is going on with your husband. It hurts and is hard to deal with. One way to help cope with it is to learn to
Listen with Empathy so that you can hear what he is actually conveying to you rather than the words that he is using.
There are other communication skills that will minimize the behavior of someone with BPD and these have proven successful for some of the members here. In addition to the one about empathy that I linked above, there are others to in the sidebar to the right of this page that will help provide you with a good foundation to work from.
You mentioned domestic violence, when did that last occur?
Keep posting - it is very therapeutic, and you will be greeted by so many people with circumstanced similar to your own. You will be amazed. Take care of yourself.
