My wife displays many traits of BPD, yet to be officially diagnosed

[pianoman65]

After 19 years of being together (10 years of marriage), the confusion in my mind is beginning to make sense.
Our failing relationship came to a head when she began an emotional affair and was caught by our teenage son. I gave her a few ultimatums: including seeking therapy as I knew something was not right in her mind. As a result, she had herself admitted to the local mental assessment ward for 11 days; which incidentally was no help whatsoever; no assessment took place and we await the first response assessment in May. Meanwhile, she emotionally bounces up and down.

I have done plenty of reading online and am currently reading Stop Walking On Eggshells. I draw the compelling conclusion my wife is Borderline. Friends agree and our GP agrees.
My wife is aware of my unqualified diagnosis as we have discussed a few traits. I bought her a copy of 'I Hate You, Don't Leave Me'.

As the days and weeks pass by, I can see further damage being done to her relationship with our son. I am trying to suggest to her to stop shouting at him, but she doesn't understand why. If she could read about what she is doing, she might acknowledge what I am saying and perhaps address her behaviour.

The question is... .should she read it now or wait for therapy?






 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi pianoman65, 



I'm sorry to hear that happen, that's not something that a son should see. I can also relate with that ah-ha moment when I read about BPD and that was the missing piece of the puzzle. My exBPDw is not diagnosed, only a professional can do that. BPD is often missed, did you know that it is a mental illness that has the most overlapping mental illnesses and experts are not sure why? She needs someone that is familiar with BPD and has experience with it. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression but I had to get reffered to a P for anxiety and other co-occuring disorders.

I completely understand the logic that if you had her read about BPD that she would start changing, it's a lot more complicated then that. I'd like to ask you this though, let's turn the telescope the other way around and i'd like to ask your a similar question. How would you feel if a friend or family member said they think that you have a personality disorder? Now, how would you think that you're wife may feel?