Concerned about my children

[Atlanta]

My spouse is an undiagnosed but pretty apparent BPD. He is a wonderful father in many ways but the rages, verbal abuse, and constant punishment for what most would consider normal kid behavior is so hard for them to deal with. Looking for some good advice on helping them to cope on a day to day basis. Also on how I can help more. Stepping in to defend them often makes the situation worse so it's tricky.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Atlanta:  
I'm sorry to hear you have an uBPD spouse. It can be tough for children, especially the more sensitive ones.  How old are your children?

In what ways is your spouse a wonderful father?

rages, verbal abuse, and constant punishment for what most would consider normal kid behavior is so hard for them to deal with

Can you share some examples?

The link below is to a lessons thread on the board for co-parenting after a split. The parenting info. and skills mentioned there would still apply in your situation. Just change the perspective from she to he as applicable.

Co-Parenting - Doing What is Best for the Kids

If you are able to share the ages of the children and a couple of examples of your husband overreacting, we can perhaps recommend some specific skills to try.

You say you want your children to learn to cope.  Are they equally affected by your spouse's behavior, or is there a child who is having a harder time with dad?