Hypocrisy

[Aesir]

I remember my ex gf raging over how a neighbor treated women stating how he was chauvinistic and abusive. I just couldn't let this stand and told her how could she judge someone when she was abusive herself? I said that she was emotionally abusive and between the both of us she was more likely to get physical. She of course brought  up non existent times that she thought I was going to hit her, trying to blame me for something.

[hope2727]

Ah yes the hypocrisy. Things I do not miss. Its the whole playing the role that they think we want them to be. But in reality that s not who they are. There is also the do as I say not I do problem. Mine demonstrated with of those issues.

[Idsrvt2]

mine knew my x waved a fake gun on a video chat (we were long distance)  xBPD says I would never do such a thing with my gun you should report that to the police as the gun looks real.   X was in a country where having a gun is a huge offense.
well i take this xBPD advice and the gun was FAKE.  and now that x is banned from this country.   

flash forward xBPD and i are now in a relationship:  ready for this one.   He carries a gun in his pocket, he takes out said gun and waves it around.

now how is that any different, it isnt... i firmly now believe he was just trying to get my x out of the picture.  I didnt realize how emeshed he is with all of us in this neighborhood--  i thought of him as a friend... but in reality it really is just so crazy. 

[FallenOne]

Because they don't see a problem with their own behavior... To them, their reactions/behavior are "normal" to them...

[Teereese]

Hello Aesir,

I am 1 year divorced and just about 2 years out of a 20+ year marriage to xBPDh. I don't miss the craziness at all, especially his hypocritical thinking.

Initially, I had internal and external battles in regards to his actions. Eventually, I became immune and saw it for what it was. It was not my battle.

The hardest part was how his hypocrosy affected our children. They would be genuinely perplexed if they did as he did, instead of doing as he said.

Teaching them personal responsibility and accountability was an uphill battles because 1) their father had neither 2) I would get, " that's not what daddy says or what daddy does."

[Duped 1]

The complete lack of personal responsibility and accountability for her words and actions was beyond maddening! Overly judgmental and critical of me and my kids but she could routinely engage in poor behavior and that was just fine. I remember yelling several times to her: "no ownership ever"! I was the abusive Villain because I would hold her accountable and she hated that!

[g2outfitter]

My exBPD was the most hypocritical human being I knew. I'll just leave it to that because if I went into specifics this post would take 8 hrs to write.

[stimpy]

Because they don't see a problem with their own behavior... To them, their reactions/behavior are "normal" to them...

Yes. And that means that if we react, challenge them or call them out, then we are the abuser, the crazy one. Then of course they can return to their comfort zone of being the victim. Totally crazy making.

[FallenOne]

EVERYTHING, and I repeat EVERYTHING, that my ex raged at me over and accused me of she was equally guilty of... .

Hypocrite.

[vortex of confusion]

The hardest part was how his hypocrosy affected our children. They would be genuinely perplexed if they did as he did, instead of doing as he said.

Teaching them personal responsibility and accountability was an uphill battles because 1) their father had neither 2) I would get, " that's not what daddy says or what daddy does."

Wow, yes to this. I had the same never ending battle. Ex would point out that the kids get to do <fill in the blank>. Or, the kids would point out that dad gets to do <fill in the blank>. There was no real delineation between parent and child and it stunk to have these never ending battles because there was so much blatant hypocrisy from ex.