Why Is She Doing This ?

[Willingtolearn]

I have not posted on BPD Family for many years, after i went through a failed relationship with a diagnosed BPD sufferer.  I an now  in a new and rewarding relationship with my new partner.

However a situation has arisen which i need to discuss and hope for some constructive feed back if possible.

The situation concerns my 31 year old step-son and his wife of only 12 months.  I will try and make the details as brief as possible.

My step-sons wife has ALL the classic signs and symptoms of BPD. They where together for 6 years and married 2 years ago.  After 12 months off marriage my step-son left his wife.  It was then that he came to see my wife and i and told us all what had occurred over nearly all the 6 years they where together.  My step-sons wife had from what a gather a neglected life as a child due to her parents putting their careers first. She was basically raised by her grandmother.

Since my step-son left his wife last year ( and he is adamant that the marriage is over and there is no going back to her ) my step-sons wife is contacting me  with the hope i beleive that i may have some influence in getting them back together again.

She won't contact his mother ( my wife ) she always text's or e mails me.  Why would she be doing this as it does cause me some discomfort ?

Just to clarify why i beleive  she has the signs of BPD she has the following:-

Rages, splitting, silent treatment, constant on-off relationship with her parents but mainly her father. Has no friends, can't hold a job down, physical attacks on her husband, lying, envy of others, drives her car dangerously ( she even tried to reverse her car into my step-son on one occasion ) flirts with other men to name just a few.

My own belief is she is using me as part of her Karpman Triangle.

Thank you for listening.

[Teereese]

Sounds like Karpman's triangle. She feels comfortable contacting you. Perhaps she sees you as having the power and influence to help her. Perhaps she believes she can manipulate you into rescuing her.

My xBPDh contacted my father for the last year of my marriage. He painted my dad black many times over the years but really used him in his push to get information on me and spread rumors, in the end. I refused to be a part of the triangle and would not play any of the roles.

[vortex of confusion]

It definitely sounds like triangulation.

Is there any way that you can block her or put a stop to the texts and emails? I would be very leery of her. The fact that she is contacting you raises so many red flags and concerns. Who knows why she is doing it? It is anybody's guess. Why she is doing it isn't nearly as important as trying to put a stop to it.

[Willingtolearn]

I think i should block her as you have suggested.

I beleive that she was contacting me to try and use me to get my step-son back together with her again.
However you have stated that she could have other motives which sounds concerning.  What could they be ? Also the thought of red flags also raises an alarm.

[vortex of confusion]

I beleive that she was contacting me to try and use me to get my step-son back together with her again.
However you have stated that she could have other motives which sounds concerning.  What could they be ? Also the thought of red flags also raises an alarm.

A disordered person can triangulate in all sorts of twisted ways. I have a sibling that has come up with all sorts of twisted stuff over the years, none of which is based on reality. She could be talking to you about the most innocent stuff and tell other people a completely different story. The only true part is "I talk to <fill in the blank> all the time." If somebody were to ask you if you talk to her, you will likely be honest and say "yes" without knowing the whole story.

If she was wanting somebody to help convince your step son get back with her, why isn't she contacting his mom? I would think a mom would have more sway than a step dad.

[Willingtolearn]

Since i posted this thread i have tried to call her on several occasions to see if i can get some feed back on what is going on.  Every time i have rang she has not taken the call.

I have e mailed her to ask why she won't answer. Her reply was that if she spoke to me it would upset her.  What the heck doe's she mean by that ?   She has contacted me by text and e mail yet she can't speak?

[JohnLove]

Take a step back. Do not contact her again. 

[Willingtolearn]

Why the red flag ?

[happendtome]

Ok, but have you thought that there may be problems with your step-son? Who has told you about these BDD signs to you? Just think about this that there are always people warning about things what are going on, quite often we ignore them, dont believe them, and later we found out that they were right

[Rayban]

Best way to avoid triangulation is to step away. Your feeding the frenzy by attempting to call her back. Block her step away.