No answers.

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am married to a woman who for the first seven years of our marraige had her BPD under control to the point that i didnt even know she had been diagnosed with it. The past 10 months have been an immersion into the depths of something i have no answers for as to how to deal. I am about half way through the book Stop Walking on Eggshells and yet find myself getting more angry. That is all i can write for now i am just reaching out for support at this point.

[djrt09]

I am married to a woman who for the first seven years of our marraige had her BPD under control to the point that i didnt even know she had been diagnosed with it. The past 10 months have been an immersion into the depths of something i have no answers for as to how to deal. I am about half way through the book Stop Walking on Eggshells and yet find myself getting more angry. That is all i can write for now i am just reaching out for support at this point.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[stayingsteady]

Hi djrt09,

I'm really glad you found us here at bpdfamily.  bpdfamily is an excellent resource able to provide support during frustrating times similar to those you've mentioned.  It can really help in gaining a solid understanding of what may be occurring in your marriage.

It's extremely normal to be confused and angry, and it's a place many of us have been.  When the time is right, feel free to provide additional insights into the struggles you're dealing with.  You mentioned the last ten months have been rather difficult.  What occurred to make it that way?

Feel free to browse the other posts on this site as well.  It can be an excellent way to increase a personal knowledge that you are not alone.

Hoping for the best for you and your wife,

- Staying Steady

[Tattered Heart]

Hi djrt09,

Welcome to the board ,

I hope you can find lots of support and help here. What changed with your spouse? Has there been extra stress or changes going on in her life? I know for my H that can cause an increase in BPD behavior. WHat kind of behavior are you seeing from her?

Anger is a normal emotion that lets us know that something is not right, usually that we are being treated unfairly. Many of us experience periods of intense anger over the unfairness of our lives, the way we get treated each day, the realization that our pwBPD may never change. I hope as you continue to read Stop Walking on Egg Shells that you will begin to find some peace in how to handle things. Spend some time just focusing on you and determine what you need to ease those feelings. Then put some things in place to help you get what you need--whether it's just having a hard conversation, saying no, setting up some boundaries, going out with friends, etc.

We have a lot of links to the right. Feel free to read through those, but to get you started here is a link to one of our workshops on Radical Acceptance:

https://www.ncdr.com/WebNCDR/NCDRDocuments/CathPCIV4_RiskAdjustmentTechNot
es.pdf

[isilme]

Not sure if it helps, but in my case, I have likened BPD to a form of emotional diabetes.  Like you said, your W managed her BPD very well, but now it's getting bad.  Just like diabetes, constant care and management techniques are needed to keep things on track, and even then, a surprise or change can make things go haywire.

H used to dysregulate a lot, and I took a lot of hurt from what he was saying.  I now do better putting those words in the "BPD basket", and realize that he is not in control of himself or his emotions, and after we can get him past the rage-outburst, he will be what passes for normal for us.  So I try to separate the person who is full or angry, self-depreciating internal thoughts and the word vomit they can spew at those closest to them.  It helps me a little. 

Posting on here helps me not feel so upset, and the act of writing is good to organize your thoughts and feelings.  Anger is normal.