Hi djrt09,
Welcome to the board ,
I hope you can find lots of support and help here. What changed with your spouse? Has there been extra stress or changes going on in her life? I know for my H that can cause an increase in BPD behavior. WHat kind of behavior are you seeing from her?
Anger is a normal emotion that lets us know that something is not right, usually that we are being treated unfairly. Many of us experience periods of intense anger over the unfairness of our lives, the way we get treated each day, the realization that our pwBPD may never change. I hope as you continue to read Stop Walking on Egg Shells that you will begin to find some peace in how to handle things. Spend some time just focusing on you and determine what you need to ease those feelings. Then put some things in place to help you get what you need--whether it's just having a hard conversation, saying no, setting up some boundaries, going out with friends, etc.
We have a lot of links to the right. Feel free to read through those, but to get you started here is a link to one of our workshops on Radical Acceptance:
https://www.ncdr.com/WebNCDR/NCDRDocuments/CathPCIV4_RiskAdjustmentTechNotes.pdf