wife's hating dbt and I'm to blame for her being there

[Depression = 72% of members]

Married six months after being together for a year (I know, I know). All the signs were there, but I felt like things could improve if I somehow made her feel safer. I knew nothing of BPD. Now I do. It's very difficult dealing with the scalding attacks, threats and accusations (to say nothing of all the broken stuff, broken promises and financial burden), and I though I was alone (and sometimes, my own issues, thinking I had actually done something to deserve all this abuse. She's going (unwillingly and angrily) to DBT after I finally made gave the "go or I leave" ultimatum. Hoping things might get better. Hoping. In therapy myself, and have begun family support groups so doing all the things I think I'm supposed to do. Thanks for reading.

[sideways]

Married six months after being together for a year (I know, I know). All the signs were there, but I felt like things could improve if I somehow made her feel safer. I knew nothing of BPD. Now I do. It's very difficult dealing with the scalding attacks, threats and accusations (to say nothing of all the broken stuff, broken promises and financial burden), and I though I was alone (and sometimes, my own issues, thinking I had actually done something to deserve all this abuse. She's going (unwillingly and angrily) to DBT after I finally made gave the "go or I leave" ultimatum. Hoping things might get better. Hoping. In therapy myself, and have begun family support groups so doing all the things I think I'm supposed to do. Thanks for reading.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Quiet Penguin]

Sorry for your situation. Hang in there. I believe that you are on the right track. I wish I had given the "Get help or I'm out" boundary as early as you did. But hindsight is 20/20 they say... .Going unwillingly and angrily is better than not going at all in my opinion.  I hope things improve for you both.

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome sideways. ,

Don't beat yourself up for ignoring the signs. That's how most of us have gotten into the situations we are in now. My H and I married after 8 months of dating. At least you are trying to deal with it early in the marriage before too many poor boundaries have set in.

Is her therapy touching on something that is particularly distressing? Is she still going despite making a lot of noise about it? I would suggest not giving permission for her to stop therapy. Stick with your boundary. If she chooses to stop therapy then let her do it on her own decision, not because you made it easier for her.

Lots of great resources here to help. It's important that you continue therapy to help you work through the emotions of living with someone with BPD.