Facebook addiction and what to do

[Uncle Rico]

Wife is BPD. Uses Facebook as not only the building of the facade, but to build her multilevel marketing business.

It recently has been used the facilitate an affair with a past boyfriend.

My guess is she leaves if I demand her to shut it down.

We have 2 kids under 5.

Need help.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Uncle Rico,

Welcome to the board ,

I'm sorry to hear about what has been going on in your relationship. It's scary to think about how your pwBPD may respond to you setting boundaries with her. For me I've found that if I am open, authentic, and honest with myself before approaching my H with BPD, then I can easily, directly, and firmly say hard things. He may get mad but at least I know that I have shared with him what I need from him.

For instance in this scenario, you might try sharing with her that you are hurt from the affair and that you have concerns about her starting (or remaining) in an affair on facebook. Maybe you could come up with some ways of accountability, such as allowing you access to her facebook account. If needed, perhaps a mediator or counselor could come in to help with the conversation.

Here is a link to one of our workshops on setting boundaries. I've learned that setting up the boundary sounds hard but often my pwBPD responds extremely well to them.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61684.0

[Mutt]

Hi Uncle Rico, 

Uses Facebook as not only the building of the facade,

I'd like to join Tattered Heart and welcome you to the family. I know some non's that use social media for validation. Don't jump the gun thinking that she'll leave if she's asked, I'm going to guess that the affair goes against your values and that's why you're on an internet forum, Tattered Heart gave you some good advice, start by talking to your dBPDw.

[Uncle Rico]

Thank you for this advice.

It was so great to read your encouragement.

My natural response is usually the worst for my pwBPD.