Finally reaching out for support

[lostandinlove]

Hello,

I just started reading "Stop Walking on eggshells." My husband was diagnosed last year with BPD and things have taken a horrible turn. It's getting worse and I'm finally seeking support to help myself. He has taken some steps, just not seriously. I've lost myself and want to help myself heal. I have started seeking counseling. Just waiting for my appointment. No one I know understands me and I just feel really alone. I just feel manipulated and to blame. I don't feel heard and I'm scared. I miss the good times and I want to fight to fix my part of the relationship. Thank you for this opportunity to start healing and learn ways to cope and help my husband.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Inneedofhelp]

I'm glad you made it here-you are not alone. It sounds like you are taking great steps to help yourself-reading and getting started with therapy. I too have just started with similar steps. If you are ok to share, what has gotten worse lately? Please be kind to yourself-I have just started to realize that I need to take care of me so I have the strength to keep making progress.

[lostandinlove]

When we were dating and first got married, things were going well. Then a few weeks after getting married we started having major hiccups with his impulses and lying behavior. He could never understand why I was upset. He ended up being admitted to a lower psych ward after holding me hostage to keep me from leaving him. He told me he would get help and get better. Things started to get better but then it was a cycle every couple days he'd love me, then devaluation me. He started abusing his medication and manipulated the therapist and others to his side of view that I was a bad person. The flame game. I could take anymore last month and decided to leave. He didn't care at all and it was heartbreaking. All of the love and patience that I put into the relationship was just thrown away. Police had to take him away because he was manic. He ended up being admitted to the lower psych again. His meds were too high and were causing brain issues. He asked to see me and we talked to a therapist together who recommended the eggshells book. She said if he worked hard on his behavior, took his meds appropriately, went to his therapy, and did partial hospitalization, we could get better. We agreed to couples counseling. The couple sessions we did have helped and we were given ways to communicate better. It was good for a few days when I decided to let him come home. Then after 5 days he started not listening again, getting mad at me for things I didn't do. I'm too clingy even though he constantly grabs or pulls me to him. I'm worried he's manipulating his therapist again and not doing the things he needs to do. I'm sick of feeling like I did this. His family and coworkers blame he. I've known my husband for 13 years and he didn't really show major signs until last year. I do badly want to make things work and he says he wants to also. I miss who i used to be. I'm so unhappy and feel so manipulated.
I'm sick of being depressed. I want to take my life back for my children. They need their mom.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi lostandinlove,

I'm sorry that you are feeling so alone. It can be very lonely living with someone with BPD. It's hard to talk about what's going on the relationship with others. We often feel embarassed or ashamed about how we've let things get so bad. But you've found a good place. You'll get lots of support and help here. We have many lessons on the right side of the page. They can help you begin to start working on your side of the relationship.

Here is a link to one of our workshops on taking care of yourself. Hopefully you can start to see some light between now and your first appointment.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=112473.0