the ruminating stopped - how far am i from recovery?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi Folks, this is my first post.

The break up was almost 10 months ago.
I didn't know in what I was involved, until I talked to a friend of mine who is a therapist around new year.
I know my ex uBPDgf was in therapy, but she never told me why. Also not afterwards when I asked.
But she has at least a lot of traits. When i told the story to my friend she said after 5 minutes "sounds like BPD".

So now to my question:

Was the worst part over when you stopped ruminating?

I still think about her all the time, but I'm not anymore analyzing what I could have done differently in certain situations.
I just remember the things (unfortunately mostly the good times) and feel the pain.
I am still depressed and can't sleep more than 5 hours but unlike before I fall asleep fast.
My depression symptoms didn't show up before 5 months after the breakup - I think they are a consequence of the ruminations.

So what was your experience? Was the worst part over when you stopped ruminating, or am i still at the beginning of my journey?

So far the board helped me a lot to integrate my thinkings - thanks a lot for that!

[hugga123]

Hi Folks, this is my first post.

The break up was almost 10 months ago.
I didn't know in what I was involved, until I talked to a friend of mine who is a therapist around new year.
I know my ex uBPDgf was in therapy, but she never told me why. Also not afterwards when I asked.
But she has at least a lot of traits. When i told the story to my friend she said after 5 minutes "sounds like BPD".

So now to my question:

Was the worst part over when you stopped ruminating?

I still think about her all the time, but I'm not anymore analyzing what I could have done differently in certain situations.
I just remember the things (unfortunately mostly the good times) and feel the pain.
I am still depressed and can't sleep more than 5 hours but unlike before I fall asleep fast.
My depression symptoms didn't show up before 5 months after the breakup - I think they are a consequence of the ruminations.

So what was your experience? Was the worst part over when you stopped ruminating, or am i still at the beginning of my journey?

So far the board helped me a lot to integrate my thinkings - thanks a lot for that!

[Sunfl0wer]

Hi hugga123,

I can't speak for anyone but myself so, quitting ruminating was a huge thing for me that seemed to happen at it's own pace.  Seemed for me like that first year out was my mind reprogramming itself to process the losses that are reminders throughout the calendar year, reframing life without him.

Thing for me that really made a huge difference was beginning to start taking steps to persue things I wanted, build a relationship with myself, listening more to what I felt and wanted, and responding kindly.  To cope and survive in a relationship with my ex, I realize I abandoned my relationship with Self.  So for me, rebuilding that, enjoying it, was part of what I needed.

Feel free to check out info in right side panel and browse workshops and such to gauge where you may see you may need more work.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey hugga123, Welcome!  I echo SunflOwer: getting back in touch with oneself is important, if not crucial, to one's recovery.   I would also agree that everyone heals at his/her own pace.  Like you, I did a lot of ruminating and suffered from depression as well.  In hindsight, I don't think anything I could have done would have changed the outcome, because most BPD relationships are not built to last, in my view.  The stress on the Non is too great to sustain over the long haul.  I think it helps to acknowledge feelings as they come up and then let them pass through you, like lightning passing through a lightning rod into the ground.  Suggest you listen to your gut feelings and try to recall the person you are at your core.

LuckyJim