Broken relationships

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was over at my sister's with my kids visiting her family, all of the kids are relatively close in age and she has a new pug, my daughter got pretty attached to him quickly, he's a really cute dog. My sister and I were talking and I let slip out that I went out for breakfast with my brother and she was upset because it was something that she was trying to organize for awhile, you rarely see all three of us together unless it's a family gathering with extended family. The problem is that my sister can be invalidating ( as can I ) and there has been a rift for the last 10 years or so when my met my exuBPDw between my brother's girlfriend and her. My brother has been avoidant or maybe he just chooses to not take sides but it has nothing to do with me, we could of have gone out together with my family but she chose not to, it's all or nothing which makes me sad because of the r/s between the kids, they all get along well and I want my kids to be close to family because they're the only ones around where I live.

She avoided me for a week and I sent her a text message asking her if she was mad at me, she said that she was disappointed because our family is not close and she said she's done trying, granted there is some maturity there with letting it go, I just said to her that maybe she could re-establish a connection with her newphews ( my brother's family and girlfriend that doesn't like her, her kids and kids rarely see other ) later on.

I get a call on my cell today from what I thought was her I let it go to voicemail because I was at work, I listened to it and it was my dad, I completely forgot that he was driving from the east coast of Canada to the Prairies, my dad throws up FOG, it's something that learned here, it used to hurt with the guilt but it doesn't anymore, he was trying to make it sound urgent that he talks to me he wants to organize something for next week, I'll return his call later, it just made think of the broken r/s I have with him, he has a lot of broken r/s's. I was just wondering if there are other members that are going through this, it just feels like family drama, the difficult part is that I see some of these dynamics and they don't have a clue, I'm not trying to sound superior, they're just not very aware, they're just the type that don't pause and think they just "move on."                                                                      

[Mutt]

I was over at my sister's with my kids visiting her family, all of the kids are relatively close in age and she has a new pug, my daughter got pretty attached to him quickly, he's a really cute dog. My sister and I were talking and I let slip out that I went out for breakfast with my brother and she was upset because it was something that she was trying to organize for awhile, you rarely see all three of us together unless it's a family gathering with extended family. The problem is that my sister can be invalidating ( as can I ) and there has been a rift for the last 10 years or so when my met my exuBPDw between my brother's girlfriend and her. My brother has been avoidant or maybe he just chooses to not take sides but it has nothing to do with me, we could of have gone out together with my family but she chose not to, it's all or nothing which makes me sad because of the r/s between the kids, they all get along well and I want my kids to be close to family because they're the only ones around where I live.

She avoided me for a week and I sent her a text message asking her if she was mad at me, she said that she was disappointed because our family is not close and she said she's done trying, granted there is some maturity there with letting it go, I just said to her that maybe she could re-establish a connection with her newphews ( my brother's family and girlfriend that doesn't like her, her kids and kids rarely see other ) later on.

I get a call on my cell today from what I thought was her I let it go to voicemail because I was at work, I listened to it and it was my dad, I completely forgot that he was driving from the east coast of Canada to the Prairies, my dad throws up FOG, it's something that learned here, it used to hurt with the guilt but it doesn't anymore, he was trying to make it sound urgent that he talks to me he wants to organize something for next week, I'll return his call later, it just made think of the broken r/s I have with him, he has a lot of broken r/s's. I was just wondering if there are other members that are going through this, it just feels like family drama, the difficult part is that I see some of these dynamics and they don't have a clue, I'm not trying to sound superior, they're just not very aware, they're just the type that don't pause and think they just "move on."                                                                      

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Mutt,

Thank you for sharing about your hurt right now. I think it is so sad to see how our families operate when there is dysfunction someplace. Even if we have worked on our own stuff faithfully, it still hurts when the relationships are not healthy, and the desire is still so strong inside of us for them to be healthy and for them to reciprocate that health back to us. You see it, the dysfunction, the FOG gets thrown your way, but how amazing that you are soo much stronger than ever before and you see it for what it is.  My T told me that even though I get stronger and can lift up my end of the deal, it doesn't mean that the other person will come along and help with the other end. Darn. I had really hoped they would.

Nonetheless, it is sad to go through it again, this disappointment which would be nice to escape. It is also true that the healthier you get, quite often the more unhealthy they'll look to us. Keep hanging in there!

 
Wools

[Mutt]

Hi Woolspinner2000,

Thank you for sharing about your hurt right now. I think it is so sad to see how our families operate when there is dysfunction someplace. Even if we have worked on our own stuff faithfully, it still hurts when the relationships are not healthy, and the desire is still so strong inside of us for them to be healthy and for them to reciprocate that health back to us.

I thought about why I posted this because I felt compelled but I didn't know where I was going to with it. That's a good observation Woolspinner2000, I think that I have this hope that at some point they're going to see the light and they're going to change. And some of that hurt stems from something that I don't have control of, I'd never thought about that all of these years.

You see it, the dysfunction, the FOG gets thrown your way, but how amazing that you are soo much stronger than ever before and you see it for what it is.   My T told me that even though I get stronger and can lift up my end of the deal, it doesn't mean that the other person will come along and help with the other end. Darn. I had really hoped they would.

Good point. I think that for many years I thought that I was alone in all of this, it probably sounds arrogant   that I thought that nobody saw it the same way, probably because I was judging things from what I knew and the people that were close me - family. It doesn't feel lonely now because I know that others think similarly, thanks for the response Wools