New to this. Struggling to cope with my feelings. Any advice?

[Zombiegirl22]

Hi everyone!

Not sure how to do this but here it goes...

Im a young girl in my early 20s and my mother has BPD.

It all started after the loss of my brother around 3 years ago.

Things got worse as time went on and just recently she was sectioned for the first time for 28 days as she was a risk to hersef. This was when we were given the diagnosis. I always knew something was wrong, but wasn't aware it was BPD until now.

I know the basics of the condition as my sister has the same and was diagnosed with it years ago (we don't have a very good realtionship) and of course I'm aware it's a very complex illness and affects others in different ways.

My mother doesn't want to be home but as well as me and my older siblings there are 2 younger children who are in their teens that still live at home and still need a lot of support from their mam and need her to be well.

I have moved back home so i can support my family more and since my mam got sectioned, I have been managing the house and younger ones until she was discharged. Unfortunately now that she's home she is refusing any meds/food/drink and wants to be back in hospital or she wants to be dead.

She's so wrapped up in the grief of losing my brother that it feels like she can forget about the rest of us. Being older I understand a bit more and i guess i never really minded until recently but I know my younger siblings don't understand as well as me and I often worry about how all this is effecting them.

Im the main carer and It's been really hard. I feel so much responsibility, I get the brunt of everything and the blame along with having to make difficult decisions about my mams care and other things. I feel i can't do wrong for right and anything I do/say or any decision I make will be the one that will tip my mam over the edge. I have done everything I can to help while she was sectioned but still feel like the bad guy in all of this.

I feel a lot of frustration and some anger towards my mam, I find it hard to understand why she wouldn't want to keep living and get better for the kids she has that are still here. I feel so guilty for feeling angry too. I don't want to feel this way and I know she wouldn't want to put us through this if she could help it...

What confuses me most is knowing where the line is and knowing when i need to be more understanding and supportive and knowing when i need to be tough and firm.

I'm struggling to handle the situations and cope with my own emotions and was wondering if anyone had any personal experience that I could relate too, or any advice. It would be greatly appreciated. If you got this far thank you for listening xxx

 

[Pilpel]

I'm so sorry for you, though, that so much responsibility is on your shoulders now.

I've struggled with anxiety and depression before.  When you get into the negative downward spiral, it's difficult to climb out of it on your own. So I feel some understanding for your mom having difficulty pulling herself together for the sake of the rest of the family.  But I also know that meds can usually help people out of that negative spiral.  It sounds like your mom really needs to be on those meds. Have you talked to her psychiatrist about this problem?  Since your basically the caretaker now, you should be able to talk to your mom's doctors, let them know your mom could be suicidal and is not taking her meds. 

 

[Mutt]

Hi Zombigirl22,



I'd like to join Pilpel and welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through  I can see how stressful it would feel to have to make difficult decisions and looking after teenagers when it's a time where usually you're commitment free. Do you have family members that live close to you that could help? How about family friends? Hopefully it's short term and you might be able to get help from different people, i'd take advantage of any type of help that is offered. You also need time for yourself, what do you do for self care?

It's OK to feel anger, this board is here for people like me and you to use, it's a place for non's to share their experiences and feelings without being judged for it. It helps to others to get feedback, ideas, maybe you didn't think of something, and support.

A lot could happen in the 28 days, let's say that she is on her meds, she might start feeling better before the end of the month, generally anti depressants take about 4 - 6 weeks until you start to feel the effects. My advice is keep talking, take it one day at a day for the next little

What does it mean to take care of yourself?