Non feeling suicidal?

[jinglebells1989]

How common is it for a non BPD to feel suicidal after the pwBPD cuts them off?

[Herodias]

Very common... .those feelings will go away in time. If anyone feels that way they need to get help. A support group is not able to help people who are suicidal, so the best thing to do is call the suicide hotline, 911 or go to the hospital if the feelings get too intense. Please call a friend or family member if you need to talk it out with someone. These relationships can make us feel horrible, but once you understand pwBPD, you will see you are not the cause of the problem and it's more than likely you are a strong and good person who just tried to help someone. Don't let it define you... .learn all you can. 

[jinglebells1989]

Very common... .those feelings will go away in time. If anyone feels that way they need to get help. A support group is not able to help people who are suicidal, so the best thing to do is call the suicide hotline, 911 or go to the hospital if the feelings get too intense. Please call a friend or family member if you need to talk it out with someone. These relationships can make us feel horrible, but once you understand pwBPD, you will see you are not the cause of the problem and it's more than likely you are a strong and good person who just tried to help someone. Don't let it define you... .learn all you can. 

I'm ashamed to admit that when she left me I was at that low of a point. What's unbelievable to me is when she found out she came to my aid and promised that she would ALWAYS be there for me. We rekindled our relationship and the next two months were great... .until I caught her texting some other guy. I was shocked and heartbroken and she... .was unaffected. We broke up again and I was devastated and she just simply told me to leave her alone. She even threatened to call the police on me.

How do these people live with themselves?

[Herodias]

I understand... .How do they? Keep studying. I think they may all be a bit different, but they hide who they are and hide their shame. My ex called himself a little devil. He had lots of nightmares.  I think it depends on the side of the scale they are on. My ex didn't understand regular peoples feelings, he just thinks he can move from relationship to relationship. They seem to only care about themselves. I know how bad you feel... .it is a long slow process. You will learn allot about yourself and then you will be better. It is really hard. You will never understand what they truly think. There is no point in trying. They cannot be alone, that's one thing that makes them move on so fast.

[jinglebells1989]

I understand... .How do they? Keep studying. I think they may all be a bit different, but they hide who they are and hide their shame. My ex called himself a little devil. He had lots of nightmares.  I think it depends on the side of the scale they are on. My ex didn't understand regular peoples feelings, he just thinks he can move from relationship to relationship. They seem to only care about themselves. I know how bad you feel... .it is a long slow process. You will learn allot about yourself and then you will be better. It is really hard. You will never understand what they truly think. There is no point in trying. They cannot be alone, that's one thing that makes them move on so fast.

Your Ex describing himself as a "little devil" is interesting. The girl I was seeing also said similar things. She almost seemed to take pride in describing how mean she could be. She would say things like "I can be mean". This confused me because she was so kind and caring towards me. I noticed throughout our relationship that she seemed to become nicer towards others the more time she spent around me. It's like she was learning how to be kind towards others and not just those she needed something from.

Ironically, I used to joke with her, "I can't image what you're going to do to me once you've had enough of me". I said these things in response to the stories she would tell about mean things she had done to people in the past. She would assure me she would never treat me that way. And lo and behold... .

I really am mind boggled at the night and day switch from showing so much love, kindness and compassion towards me to utter disgust and intolerance.

What is so insane is that I'm still not sure she even had BPD or any other personality disorder for that matter. I keep thinking maybe she was this special person who did what she did to me because I was the problem.

[justsomeone87]

I understand... .How do they? Keep studying. I think they may all be a bit different, but they hide who they are and hide their shame. My ex called himself a little devil. He had lots of nightmares.  I think it depends on the side of the scale they are on. My ex didn't understand regular peoples feelings, he just thinks he can move from relationship to relationship. They seem to only care about themselves. I know how bad you feel... .it is a long slow process. You will learn allot about yourself and then you will be better. It is really hard. You will never understand what they truly think. There is no point in trying. They cannot be alone, that's one thing that makes them move on so fast.

I wonder why it is that they can not be alone. It is one thing they always have in common, being alone is intolerable. Is it more than just loneliness? I wonder what goes on in their head when they are alone

[lovenature]

I wonder why it is that they can not be alone. It is one thing they always have in common, being alone is intolerable. Is it more than just loneliness? I wonder what goes on in their head when they are alone
 

They can't be alone because they never developed a sense of self and FEEL like they don't exist without someone to mirror to gain a sense of self from.

I also felt suicidal, stay complete NC, keep reading and learning, you will see how serious a mental illness BPD really is and how it has effected you.

[justsomeone87]

They can't be alone because they never developed a sense of self and FEEL like they don't exist without someone to mirror to gain a sense of self from.

Thanks for the response. Does this also mean their "public mask" is also just a form of mirroring, based on the expectations of the social environment they are in? And also that their personality changes from partner to partner, almost like a chameleon?

[Ahoy]

Thanks for the response. Does this also mean their "public mask" is also just a form of mirroring, based on the expectations of the social environment they are in? And also that their personality changes from partner to partner, almost like a chameleon?

I think I can help with this. Whenever meeting new people, My ex was VERY quiet, like a little lamb she would just shyly sit out of the way, hardly taking part in conversation.

This was especially true when meeting my friends and family, out at dinners/ect.

What I realise now is that she was using this time to assess their personalities, their interests, mirroring them (and me) and when she had observed enough, she was ready to enter the conversation fully (usually by the second meeting)

I thought she was shy and introverted like me, but after a family member told me "She is literally a different person depending on who she is with" it really hit home how her sense of self is defined by who she is around.

My replacement loved cars, guess what my ex suddenly became obsessed with?

[Ahoy]

To add another thought,

Sometimes I think what it must feel like to have a fragmented 'self' like our BPD's... .to be so fluid and dynamic with my personality and values. It gives me a headache, I truly can't fathom how It would feel... .especially having spent the past 15 months trying to iron out some bad habits of my own... .seeing how ingrained they are into my personality.


Actually, I THINK I do actually have a rudimentary understanding on what it may feel like. When I first separated from my wife, I made the comment to my family that I had no idea what my dreams and goals were anymore. The relationship had become so much about keeping her happy and trying to incorporate her future happiness into our long term goals, that I was drained, almost like a husk of a human.

I walked around the house for 2 months not knowing what I wanted to do in life or where I wanted to live or even what I wanted to do the following week. Slowly I came to re-establish my identity (as I cleared from the FOG) my dreams remained the same, just now for 1 instead of 2.

Feeling that way was terrible. I never want to go back to it. Having no identity scared the stuffing out of me!

[Mutt]

Hi jinglebells1989,

I'm ashamed to admit that when she left me I was at that low of a point

I think that it was one of the lowest points of my life too. It didn't hit me until a week after she left and I was self medicating with alcohol for the first few weeks after she left. I was walking back home from a neighborhood pub one night and I felt suicidal, the thought scared me, I also thought that drinking was only going to mask the problems and this is not something that I can just suppress.

I can see how people self medicate with drinking, I didn't have support from family, they just said to move one, the recipe is not that easy. It was my kids that gave me the motivation because I couldn't fathom what it would be life for them if I had done that. I couldn't leave them alone with a borderline mom.

I can understand feeling shame about thinking or feeling suicidal,you're not alone, I think it helps to talk about it, it's depression, someone else said to call a compassionate person on the phone to talk to, I didn't see anyone mention talking to an MD or GP about depression, have you talked to an MD?

Depression: Stop Being Tortured by Your Own Thoughts

[jinglebells1989]

Hi jinglebells1989,

I think that it was one of the lowest points of my life too. It didn't hit me until a week after she left and I was self medicating with alcohol for the first few weeks after she left. I was walking back home from a neighborhood pub one night and I felt suicidal, the thought scared me, I also thought that drinking was only going to mask the problems and this is not something that I can just suppress.

I can see how people self medicate with drinking, I didn't have support from family, they just said to move one, the recipe is not that easy. It was my kids that gave me the motivation because I couldn't fathom what it would be life for them if I had done that. I couldn't leave them alone with a borderline mom.

I can understand feeling shame about thinking or feeling suicidal,you're not alone, I think it helps to talk about it, it's depression, someone else said to call a compassionate person on the phone to talk to, I didn't see anyone mention talking to an MD or GP about depression, have you talked to an MD?

Depression: Stop Being Tortured by Your Own Thoughts

To be perfectly honest, I am shocked I didn't end up in prison over this woman. The utter disregard and arrogant behavior she displayed towards me when it all ended still makes me sick 10 months later. It was just atrocious, inhuman behavior.

But again, a few mere months earlier this woman was saying how wonderful I was, saying that "I didn't have to be perfect, because I was perfect" for her, buying me a $120 watch for my birthday, etc.

And now... .I may as well have never even known her. These people are pure evil. I could care less how bad their childhood was, treating others this way is NEVER OK.

[Mutt]

To be perfectly honest, I am shocked I didn't end up in prison over this woman. The utter disregard and arrogant behavior she displayed towards me when it all ended still makes me sick 10 months later. It was just atrocious, inhuman behavior.

Luckily you didn't end up in jail, I had hit my lowest after my ex left and I didn't want that to happen again. I can't say that there's not going to be heartbreak in the future, but not in this fashion where I have to rebuild again, I chose to rebuild and create a solid foundation this time, one that is not going to be shaken by someone that I let in close to me that I shouldn't have, have you thought about what you would do differently next time?

But again, a few mere months earlier this woman was saying how wonderful I was, saying that "I didn't have to be perfect, because I was perfect" for her, buying me a $120 watch for my birthday, etc.

You got attracted to her, what was the attraction?

[jinglebells1989]

Luckily you didn't end up in jail, I had hit my lowest after my ex left and I didn't want that to happen again. I can't say that there's not going to be heartbreak in the future, but not in this fashion where I have to rebuild again, I chose to rebuild and create a solid foundation this time, one that is not going to be shaken by someone that I let in close to me that I shouldn't have, have you thought about what you would do differently next time?
 

You got attracted to her, what was the attraction?

She just seemed so great. She was cute and had a very good body. She was the bookworm type, or so I pegged her as being that way early on from my observations. She had her master's degree in the hard sciences. She was very attentive, giving and kind. She seemed very patient, too. She also pursued me quite heavily. It was all too good to be true it seemed and it turned out it was. She seemed inexperienced in the bedroom, too compared to what I had had in the past.

a few red flags:

- she was a self described "mean" person. Totally contradictory to how she presented herself to me, however.

- she came from a trouble family. She never disclosed much about her family. Just quick, high level gloss overs of her past. Same thing with her intimate relationships.

- She seemed like she could be impulsive. At around 6-7 months into the relationship she just randomly decided to get her vagina waxed. Next time I saw her she was completely bald down below. Seemed VERY uncharacteristic of her, but I tried not to think about it to much.

- She never, or at least seemed incapable of, having deep, in depth talks about emotions or problems in our relationship.

- Her personality, not just her mood, seemed to completely change around her friends. She would almost become a different personality, which I thought was weird.

- Had a VERY difficult time genuinely apologizing for anything. Minor things she had no problem apologizing for, but serious wrongs were never righted or apologized for and if they were, it was like pulling teeth to get her to apologize.

I have no idea why I am still so caught up on this woman. Ironically, I actually gave her the cold shoulder around 3 months into knowing her as I found her behavior one day to be quite strange, but she reached back out after a few weeks of NC. I can't help but thinking I had the biggest scam ever pulled over on me and I keep asking myself how I fell for it. I just cannot wrap my head around how someone who seemed so caring, so taken with me, so giving, loving and kind could suddenly lose all feelings and do things so cruel to me that you think she had hated me her whole life. Again, it's been 10 months and I still have some very bad days that are tough to get through.