Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 03:04:32 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Accusations and constant contact attempts won't stop  (Read 349 times)
Inneedofhelp
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 66


« on: May 12, 2017, 12:31:29 AM »

I have taken some significant steps toward detaching over the last few weeks from the abusive and often rageful actions of my stbx, and there was definitely some relief from the chaos. I chose to temporarily bring the kids and I over to my parents house because he was not getting it that I wanted little to no contact, and felt he could call or show up any time he felt like it at my house. I am sure he thinks that he will get back control but I have stayed strong and requested that he limit his communication with me to issues directly related to the kids. He doesn't seem to be able to handle that for very long and has started to harass me again by calling me and saying really awful things, most of the time ending with how horrible I am to destroy him and interfere with his relationship with his kids. I don't engage anymore when he throws these projections out, and I also don't react when only hours later he tries to say that I should want to be kind to him "for the sake of our children". Over the last year of separation, he has at times thrown out wild accusations of my supposed affairs and gets fixated on some individual that I work with. The most recent was just last night when he called late to say he heard I was with someone and started using sexual language and naming someone who has been a coworker and friend of mine for over 10 years... .who is nothing but a good friend. I told him to stop harassing me and said I would not engage in any dialogue about his paranoid ideas. I also sent him an email outlining that I request for him to stop using abusive language and to only contact me if it is directly related to the kids. I stated that a mediator or therapist needs to be involved if there is further discussion.
Any ideas on how to make him stop?
Logged
roberto516
******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 782


« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2017, 07:27:34 AM »

It's more difficult with kids involved. You obviously just can't not communicate with him. My best advice would be to change your steps in the dance routine you guys have created for so long. It sounds like you are doing that. But I caught fleas in my relationship. I was being the harassing beggar. It probably just fueled her. Putting myself in his shoes any little contact, even if it is to stay "stay away" keeps the door open for him to keep communicating. It surely made me more adament about reaching out when she threw me table scraps of replies.

I would stay focused on your steps in this dance. If you do that he will either keep stumbling because he's trying to do the old dance, or he will realize that he needs to change his communication patterns, and learn to communicate only about the children.

I don't know if there can be an extinction burst when you have to, at best, go little contact. I'll leave that to those who are in a more similar situation. I just wanted to offer something.
Logged

“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.”
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!