Hi Phatbear
What you describe sounds like quite an unpleasant situation indeed. I understand why this would still be something on your mind and I can imagine how difficult this must also be for your sister.
You mention your ex BIL (brother in law) doesn't work. How long has this been so and is it because he can't find work or can't work or perhaps because he does not want to work?
Do you perhaps feel like his children are letting themselves be controlled by him out of fear, obligation and/or guilt?
... .fear, obligation or guilt ("FOG" are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled. Understanding these dynamics are useful to anyone trying to extricate themselves from the controlling behavior by another person and deal with their own compulsions to do things that are uncomfortable, undesirable, burdensome, or self-sacrificing for others.
You can read more about this here:
Fear, Obligation And Guilt: How We Allow Loved Ones To Control UsDid your ex BIL behave like this from the very start or did he gradually (or abruptly) change at some point?
Take care and welcome to bpdfamily