Now ex-boyfriend with BPD and I feel crazy

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have been in an on and off relationship with someone who clearly has BPD. I noticed some serious flags about 3 months after we started dating when he consistently failed to apologize for either breaking plans or other events. I ignored the red flags because I really fell in love with his spirit and I adored him. Over the past two years the relationship became increasingly hostile and I found myself not knowing what would trigger a fight. I felt like I was apologizing all the time. I have anxiety over unresolved fights and I had asked him early on to talk through issues with me or be clear about his needs and often when he would get mad at me he would deliberately ignore me, it went sometimes from days to weeks. I started seeing this pattern of behavior but everytime he would come back I though he wanted to change. The last time he came back I told him I would not even consider being together unless he committed to therapy. He swore he would go to therapy then picked a fight and we are back at a stage of toxicity. We got into a fight over 1.5 weeks ago which has severely triggered my anxiety and feelings of abandonment and loneliness. Although I have tried to walk away so many times I am upset he finally left me. It sounds both stupid and irrational as part of me is happy to be rid of the constant roller coaster ride I have been on for two years. I feel exhausted and angry and upset. I wanted to try and end this as friends to ease my anxiety but I always found myself welcoming his love and affection. He would often declared that of course he loved me, only after calling me horrible names, telling me he hated me, and ignoired me.

[nlrbor]

I have been in an on and off relationship with someone who clearly has BPD. I noticed some serious flags about 3 months after we started dating when he consistently failed to apologize for either breaking plans or other events. I ignored the red flags because I really fell in love with his spirit and I adored him. Over the past two years the relationship became increasingly hostile and I found myself not knowing what would trigger a fight. I felt like I was apologizing all the time. I have anxiety over unresolved fights and I had asked him early on to talk through issues with me or be clear about his needs and often when he would get mad at me he would deliberately ignore me, it went sometimes from days to weeks. I started seeing this pattern of behavior but everytime he would come back I though he wanted to change. The last time he came back I told him I would not even consider being together unless he committed to therapy. He swore he would go to therapy then picked a fight and we are back at a stage of toxicity. We got into a fight over 1.5 weeks ago which has severely triggered my anxiety and feelings of abandonment and loneliness. Although I have tried to walk away so many times I am upset he finally left me. It sounds both stupid and irrational as part of me is happy to be rid of the constant roller coaster ride I have been on for two years. I feel exhausted and angry and upset. I wanted to try and end this as friends to ease my anxiety but I always found myself welcoming his love and affection. He would often declared that of course he loved me, only after calling me horrible names, telling me he hated me, and ignoired me.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey nirbor, Of course you feel exhausted, angry and upset.  I'm sorry to hear what you've been through.  Sad to say, the turmoil and drama you describe is quite common for a BPD r/s.  From what you describe, you were walking on eggshells.  We've all done it.  Yes, it's a roller coaster ride and you are fortunate to have gotten off.  The place to start, I suggest, is with yourself, by treating yourself with care and compassion.  Get back to who you are at your core.  The goal, in my view, is to learn to love yourself enough that you will never again allow someone to call you horrible names and express hate towards you.  It's onwards and upwards from here!

LuckyJim

[Mutt]

Hi nlrbor,



What was the fight about 1.5 weeks ago? What unresolved issues keep coming up in the r/s?