my exBPD has asked me to leave our successful business because of her guilt

[earlyL]

My ex diagnosed BPD partner of two years cheated on me, I had guessed something was wrong and although she denied it, I found a letter at xmas that gave me all the details. I confronted her and she blamed me, we lasted six weeks and I ended the relationship.  My ex and I run a business together, and it has become very successful over a short period of time - she has this week asked me to leave the business because she feels it is too painful to talk to me, she feels so much guilt and sadness and her therapist says she can't work with me. During the launch of our company 3 months ago (one month after I ended the relationship) she paraded her new lover around, they were not physical with each other but they were always together throughout the week, I found it extremely painful but I never told her how I felt. I was ever the professional but dying inside, I was so shocked that two people could be so inconsiderate. She has never told me but I know they are in a relationship.

I don't really have a question but I wanted to share, I am really surprised, five months since our split she now says she feels guilty, yet doesn't say why. I thought it might help other people to know this story, that my exBPD  does remember me and does feel guilt. It gives me at least some validation that our relationship meant something to her and in that I do feel some relief. I am not sure what I am going to do as of yet, we work in a small industry so she could cause issues for me, it might be easier to walk away with my head high although it will break my heart, but perhaps this is the best closure I could ever expect.

Thanks for reading.

[aman]

Tell her to ___ off and find another job.

She chose to cheat on you knowing full well you are in business together and the associated problems that would follow.

Unless she pays you off, stay and let her deal with her guilt.

Why should you suffer anymore because of her actions?

If you're business partners that could be difficult but check where you stand legally and if you can just fire her.

I don't think it's immature or spiteful to do any of the above, you are dealing with your future and your financial stability. Look after your needs just as she has looked after needs.

[heartandwhole]

Hi earlyL,

It does sound like a little bit of closure. How do you feel about possibly leaving the business? Would you start another on your own, or do something else?

I agree that this sounds like a big loss, but also potentially an opportunity. It could be a new start for you.    I hope you'll take all the time you need for the decision and not feel pressured. Will she buy you out if you decide to leave?

heartandwhole

[earlyL]

Thank you both for your replies.

@Aman - thank you, yes these are all thoughts that have gone through my head too. I have sought legal advice, we are both company directors so there has to be some compensation. I did also think about fighting it and staying, but I wonder if it will just cause me more turmoil, and I have to cope with her and her new partner being around all the time, I think in the long run it just isn't worth me being around to see that, whatever might happen.

@heartandwhole - I've thought about that a lot too - I can start again, it takes such a huge amount of time and energy, but I am happy now to have the headspace to ask people advice within my industry and see it as an opportunity, it is as you say a loss and the loss of the future I thought I had. It will be difficult to watch the company grow without me. I took a month out and went to Greece to work with a refugee charity and it was tough but also gave me a huge amount of perspective, the funny thing was it actually made me want to work with my ex, I think she has an incredible vision and we are a great team, it was strange to come back to her saying she couldn't work with me. But I actually feel quite calm about it all, I wonder if the pain I have been through somehow with the break up and loss of imagined future has let me deal with this already in a way. It is quite a fascinating process of the mind and body, I certainly wouldn't have felt this way 3 months ago if she had said it then.