Thanks Skip.
You are still grieving.
Yes Skip, I am.
Certainly, you don't want to "forgive her" - that implies that she was wrong and you were right and it wouldn't go down well with any ex. [... .] I encourage you to share your draft her and get feedback on your note to keep it validating.
I would never think of "forgiving her" in a letter (or in any other way noticeable to her). I have forgiven both of us. I have let go. I have no resentment, it's just so sad to think about the struggles she's had, both before we met and during the relationship.
I will share my draft here when I have a proper one.
So what happened with the photo exchange.
Well, she sent me a few pictures in March, from my birthday party the November before last. They were all of me. She weren't in any of them. No comments or note to go with them. I got very upset since I have no clue why she would do such a thing, and it opened a fresh wound. I think it was quite a selfish act. I didn't contact her after that though. Some would say it was an attempt to get me back in, but I really don't think so. I know her well despite her everchanging persona, and I think she probably did this to finally cut me out from her album, so to speak. But we can't be sure about this, of course. So you see, there was no exchange. Just her handwriting, my name and address hastily written down, on an envelope containing a few photographs of a happy Keef. That winter everything started going sour.
Also, how did it end.
This was mid-November 2017 (approx one year after the occasion she took the photographs). We were having dinner at a restaurant close to her flat, she'd been moody and undecisive all day, like a difficult child. All of a sudden she started to accuse me of sleeping with an ex of mine, which isn't true. This was for the umpteenth time, and so I told her I will not discuss this one more time. That's when she left me at the table and walked straight home. I finished my meal and later found her sitting in her sofa, ice queen style. She said "If you don't apologize straight away in an appropriate manner you can leave and never come back". It was absurd. I had nothing to apologize for (according to me of course - her view was radically different. She may have thought I wasn't listening to her, validating her). I left. It was like letting the air out of a balloon.
The week before I had gradually lost my patience with her tantrums, and so I met her near-daily fight-picking with very moderate interest (I did not lose my temper). I was probably already detaching without really knowing it. It is likely that she felt this and that she therefore once and for all lost interest in me, likely that she knew I wouldn't be triggered by her behaviour anymore.
The last proper contact we had was in December, around Christmas. I did get some closure from this. A couple of the things she wrote I didn't respond to, as I saw them as bait for starting yet another fight. I kept it friendly and correct.
I just want to her to know that I wish her all the good things in life. She is a very sensitive person and that kind of sensitivity has two sides to it. I wouldn't want to trigger her by writing to her. She had some awful terrifying outbursts during the relationship.
